That was more than three years ago. Now she and another boyfriend are flat-hunting. This pattern will probably continue until the day she marries. She, presumably, will then give her home phone number to her parents. Until then, the pager remains.

A Jewish-American male and a Chinese-American female found themselves in a similar situation: her parents would have considered co-habitation before marriage scandalous. So the couple resorted to elaborate measures to conceal their living arrangements, moving him out during parental visits and rearranging the apartment furniture to underline her single status.

In another case, Joanna - a locally born but overseas-educated returnee - has been dating a European for more than a year, again keeping parents and family in the dark. They want her to marry someone Chinese. Joanna and her companion will not consider living together: unlike the others, they consider it too risky.

But they, too, have played their part in a charade so their relationship is never discovered. When the couple went to Europe for a month-long holiday, Joanna asked female Chinese tourists to pose as her friends so she could have a set of photos to show her parents.

She befriended one woman staying at the same hotel, who agreed to pose in a photograph every time they bumped into one another, whether it be on sightseeing trips or by the pool. A plausible history was concocted about their relationship and photographs were later produced for her parents' viewing pleasure.

Stories of elaborate cover-ups such as these are legion: it is a timeless phenomenon that usually pits a young woman's happiness against her parents' wishes, values, and religious or cultural beliefs. These stories are only a sample of the cover-ups that take place today. With females forced to choose between their family and their companion, tragic endings are not unusual.

Another couple, Canadians Lily and Rob, are awaiting the outcome of their story. Lily is a Chinese-Canadian, Rob a Canadian of European descent.

The couple consider themselves married: they have lived together for nearly three years. They realise they are lucky, however, because all her relatives know they are living together. But the pair are afraid the relatives falsely assume they sleep in separate rooms.

Both at home and abroad, they, too, have gone to elaborate lengths to conceal the truth. For years, they thought Lily's parents understood what 'living together' meant, until the day the parents were shown over their new apartment when Lily had moved temporarily to another city.

After the mandatory tour of the living room, kitchen, bathroom, office and bedroom, the parents said to Rob: 'So where does Lily sleep?' From that point on, the young couple assumed nothing. Aunts and uncles who visited them were never told the truth. They felt the topic could simply not be broached and have continued to live under false pretences.

It is a telling statement of how little things have changed when grand schemes are concocted on such a scale. All these young women understand the loss of face and incredible embarrassment for parents and family members if their respective arrangements are discovered.

They would be the first to say these schemes are planned for their self-preservation, and that web of deceit is spun in the best interest of everyone involved, given the consequences of the alternative.

Although these women have, up to a point, preserved the culture of racial pride and sainted morality, they wonder when they can enjoy the comfort that comes from being honest with the rest of society, as well as the comfort of happiness.