You know how they always say: opposites attract. It can be so true. I am married to a cat lover.
I am a sensitive man. I try to be nice to old people, children, and animals, but I just cannot get too excited or affectionate about cats.
You have heard them all before: you ask a dog, 'Do you love me?' The dog will immediately say, 'Yes, yes, yes.' You ask a cat the same thing, the cat will not even look at you while mumbling, 'I have to think about that one. I'll get back to you in a week or two.' How about this one: the dog thinks to himself, 'This man feeds me and cleans me, walks me and buys me collars and toys, he must be God.' The cat thinks, 'Do all those things for me without asking anything in return, I must be God. Come scratch my back, would ya?' Cat experts say cats have short memories. I do not think so. They hold a grudge forever. I locked our cats, Ling-ling and Onyx (I call them Ding-a-ling and Onerous) out of our bedroom once. I mean, one lousy time, and they have not forgiven me since.
They deny my existence, or else they give me dirty looks. Meanwhile, they follow their favourite person around like a bad smell.
The only way I can describe the relationship between the cats and my wife is that they are like her own children - cute little children who can do no wrong. When they broke an expensive vase, it was my fault because I should not have placed it there (I didn't). 'Don't be scared,' she told her kiddies.
When one of those demons scratches me, it is because I have shown hostility to start with, and it is natural that they have to fend for themselves, you know, since they had a bad childhood. (She rescued one from the gutter, and the other from the SCPA.) I am the one who had a bad childhood, which lasted 15 years. Cats' childhood cannot be longer than six months: after that they either get pregnant or become fathers. They are supposed to have memories which do not go back so far anyway. Besides, what is six months compared to my 15 years? Granted, their lifespan is only up to 16 years (thank God).