The posters for Burn Hollywood Burn (An Alan Smithee Film) should be a case for the Ombudsman, showing, as they do, Sylvester Stallone and Jackie Chan in a warm embrace - indicating Stallone and Chan star in this film. But no, Burn Hollywood Burn stars - don't queue up yet - Eric Idle and Ryan O'Neal. I have never liked Idle, but when this film cut to a shot of the actor sitting on a toilet with his trousers around his ankles, addressing the camera, I felt I had hit a low point in cinema. So did the rest of the audience at Broadway Mongkok, who obviously felt they had been gypped out of their money - I walked into a half-full cinema, but when I turned around as the credits rolled, I realised I was the only person left in the house. Burn Hollywood Burn, with or without the toilet interlude, is a curiously awful movie written - so, so badly - by the dreadful Joe Eszterhas, who appears in a cameo. When Hollywood directors want to disown their work, they use the name 'Alan Smithee' on the credits. Burn Hollywood Burn is about a British director who is really called Alan Smithee (Idle). When a dastardly producer (O'Neal) takes final cut on the movie Trio - starring Stallone, Chan and Whoopi Goldberg in the tiniest of cameos - Smithee steals the negative and threatens to burn this US$200 million (HK$1.5 billion) production. Burn Hollywood Burn is supposed to be a satirical look at the process of Hollywood big budget film-making; an insider's view stuffed with cameos and addressed to camera in a wink-wink, nudge-nudge style. I work around the movie industry and I did not recognise half the cameos, did not understand most of the references, and did not care about the few that I 'got'. You may just leave the cinema thinking Burn Hollywood Burn is filled with bad actors, like the old-time producer or the private investigator who tries to track down the negative. I know the producer is played by the mythic - and scary looking - Robert Evans, while Miramax chief Harvey Weinstein is the PI. That does not make them any better. That is before they start to deliver the limpest of dialogue, studded with gratuitous obscenities (racial slurs as well as vulgarities) and insider references which are not even funny. Idle says of his movie, Trio: 'It's worse than Showgirls !' which is supposed to be hilarious, because Eszterhas wrote Showgirls. But it is not funny, because you are watching possibly the worst film in the history of cinema unspool, and it is a painful experience. Burn Hollywood Burn is directed by Smithee (Arthur Hiller, former president of the Academy of Motion Pictures, Arts and Sciences, who even shoots himself in a cameo, not that many would know who he was). If I was Chan's manager, I would be concerned about protecting my client against such a rip-off and insist on taking the posters down - his star delivers minimal dialogue here over perhaps a minute of screen time. Never mind protecting my client, the audience deserves better. It is no shock to see Hollywood come out with a bad film, but Chan has a better relationship with his fans than this. Burn Hollywood Burn, Chinachem and Broadway Mongkok