Time: middle palaeolithic. Place: jungle. Scene: a group of excited Neanderthals tearing the guts out of some animal. Neanderthal Man One: 'Uoo-babaa-Uoo-bababa-Gagaga!!!' (Translation: 'Blimey! This piece of meat tastes good!') Neanderthal Man Two: 'Uoo-uooo-doood-coo-scrummie?' ('I say, did you catch it by the river?') Neanderthal Man One: 'Oh-la-la-la-boo-boo!' ('I have no idea! Neanderthal woman caught it while I was having a quick nap.') Neanderthal Woman: 'Wah-wah-ba-gooo-gooo. Papooo-la-da. Mo-moo.' ('Yeah, you lazy goo-goos who do nothing but sit on your bottom all day. Now, eat up, I have other work to do rather than sitting around here like a bunch of primitives.') Neanderthal Man Two: 'Aiya-gagagaa-laala? Bi-li-ba-la bi-li-ba-laa!' ('Aiya! But what are we going to do with the leftovers? Seems like a waste to throw them away.') Neanderthal men/women sniff and look around before spotting a small, dark and cool cave. Neanderthal Man One: 'Ha-hah-ha-ha!!! Da-da boo! Nar-nar-nar-nar!' (Ah-ha! Why don't we store the rest of this deer in this cave so no one will steal it from us? Remember, it was I who suggested this.) Time: following day. Place: jungle. Scene: A group of excited Neanderthals consuming the leftovers they took out of the small, dark and cool cave. Neanderthal Man One: 'Wow!!! Boo-bi-bo-bi-nee-li-lah! Mmm-la!' (Wah! No one has stolen the leftovers, which taste . . . mmmm . . . still very fresh!) Neanderthal woman (lovingly): 'Goo-gooo-gooo!' (You clever boy!) So, that was how the idea of refrigerating first came about. Little did they know their dream discovery was to become a modern man's nightmare. Fast forward to last week. Place: The Kwong household. Scene: AIYA Agent Kwong examining a strange puddle that has repeatedly emerged in the middle of the kitchen floor without any apparent source. Agent Kwong: 'Mrs K. Are you positive this puddle is not the direct result of pooch Chin-chin's failure to control his bladder?' Mrs K: 'If you look closely, the pattern of the puddle is too . . . circular to be a pool of dog wee-wee.' Her son, Agent Kwong, looks up to the ceiling and finds no sign of any leakage from above. He then says: 'This is truly an unexplained phenomenon that rivals poltergeists, crop circles and Celine Dion's popularity.' Then came a loud humming noise. Mrs K: 'I knew it! Our 12-year-old refrigerator is ejecting water.' Time: A couple of days later. Place: The Kwong household. Scene: An excited Mrs K tells Agent Kwong she has found a fantastic bargain. Mrs K: 'The new refrigerator costs less than $8,000. The salesman was keen to sell me the machine. Must be the economic downturn. Any business is better than no business.' Time: End of the week. 5 pm. Place: The Kwong household. Scene: An excited Mrs K and Agent Kwong waiting for the refrigerator to arrive. Time: 6 pm. Not-so-excited Mrs K and Agent Kwong still waiting for the refrigerator to arrive. Time: 6.30 pm. The delivery man finally arrives. But no sign of the refrigerator. Mrs K: 'WHERE IS MY REFRIGERATOR?' Time: 6.45 pm. It finally arrives - 1.8-metres of it. The delivery man quickly installs the giant machine, which springs to life by 7.00 pm and instantly turns the kitchen into a ship's engine-room. Mrs K (raising her voice): 'Don't you think this is a bit noisy?' Delivery Man: 'Oh, the machine just needs to be run in.' Time: 9 pm. Machine still running in. Time: 4 am. Machine still running in. Time: 9 am. Mrs K is on the phone to the salesman, strategically standing next to the refrigerator. Salesman: 'What's that noise? The refrigerator? Wah! That is noisy. Don't worry, we will send you a new one next week.' So, that is what modern technology has brought to us - sleepless nights. But since the new refrigerator has arrived, the Kwong household has returned to its usual tranquil and boring life. But Agent Kwong noted in his file before closing the case: 'If a puddle of water ever appears on the kitchen floor again, I am getting out of this flat.' Trust no refrigerator.