We thought the MTR was a facility for transporting the public. Seems we were wrong. Some people consider it just the place to carry out practices more in keeping with those confined to the bathroom. Far be it for us to be killjoys, but one passenger had us doing a double take. At 9am, he walked on to the train at Central, sat down and took off his shoes. Then he removed his socks. The dirty toenails hardly made scintillating viewing matter. And the smelly feet left a lot to be desired. But it was when he took his nail clippers out, set to work on the offending nails, sending the clippings flying, that we felt truly nauseous. Intriguingly, the four other people in the carriage did not bat an eyelid. Hullo? Lost in magic More on the man with those self-professed 'Heathcliff' good looks and 'great hair', that master of delusions David Copperfield. At least one member of the audience at his recent Dreams And Nightmares show was highly traumatised, and not just by his appalling attempt at humour. When Copperfield does his highly publicised finale of making people disappear, unfortunately his good self is not included. During one show, he made an entire row of the audience vanish. Instead of making them re-appear, they ended up in another room. All very well - unless you happen to be five years old and daddy has just vanished in front of your eyes. Yes, the act was totally lost on the traumatised toddler bawling his eyes out in the row behind, orphaned by magic. Gym jam It seems California Gym has fallen on hard times. Bodies beautiful were told not to use the changing room telephone because it was 'out of order'. But an ear to the handset revealed the all too familiar tones of the phone company's non-payment reminder. 'Your phone has been temporarily disconnected,' the recording chided. 'If you wish to continue enjoying the service, please settle your bill immediately.' It appears not everything is working out at the gym. Bird brained You would hardly expect the Civil Aviation Department's bird control unit to be ultra-sensitive to journalists' probing questions. Apparently they have taken that government memo on how to avoid hacks' questions a tad too literally. The Pearl Report 's reporter Jonathan Hill recently came up against the most bizarre possible interpretation of the memo. He had managed to secure an interview with a department expert on the bird problem at Kai Tak. The department official was helpful, chatty and had a TV-friendly personality. But when the camera was switched on, he became rigid and his answers contrived. Hill noticed his eyes were not on the camera. Swivelling around, he found a massive script-board behind him, held up by a department official. There, in large letters, were the answers the bird expert had been told to give. Obviously there's something to hide in the bird-control world. Foiled again Another award to our Hong Kong advertisers with their fingers on the pulse. This week it goes to Far East Jetfoils' advertisers. Remember the Flores crash into an unidentified 'object' which killed an elderly woman? It seems the ferry company has either got a short memory or a penchant for poor taste. Spotted recently on one of their billboards was the slogan: 'Has . . . your . . . journey . . . to . . . Macau . . . left . . . you . . . all shook up?' Then follows the timely: 'Why not change to Far East Jetfoils when you next travel between Hong Kong and Macau? They're so comfortable and stable, you'll only feel good vibes all the way.'