Ever wondered what was going through the brilliant minds of the senior officials earlier this week as they announced the rescue-the-economy plan that made us all gasp 'Does Dominic Wong really earn $2.17 million a year?! I want his job!' Obtained exclusively by this column, here is a transcript of their thoughts during the 32-minute press briefing on Monday.
Chief Executive Tung Chee-hwa: 'This is going to surprise a lot of people. Hmm . . . where did I put my speech?' Chief Secretary Anson Chan Fang On-sang: 'Yuk! The press. Why does it always misinterpret what I say? WHY? I am just a humble, honest civil servant trying to fulfil my duties as efficiently as possible without anyone interfering.
'How dare they suggest officials from the mainland have given me instructions on how to do my job. Even my boss would not dare do that.' Mr Tung: 'Ah! Here's the speech. Yes. I'm going to surprise everyone by staying calm. Hmm. Very good. I am very calm.
'Let's see who is here today. Wah! So many journalists. Oh dear, I can't stop my hands from shaking.' Financial Secretary Donald Tsang Yam-kuen: 'Good. The press does not seem to know why we are here. No press leak.
'Actually, I don't think any of us have a clue what we are doing up here.' Housing Secretary Dominic Wong Shing-wah: 'What are we doing here? Hello?! Can somebody tell me?' Director of Information Services Thomas Chan Chun-yuen (among the reporters): 'Yuk! The press! You lot had better ask the right questions. If not, I'll have to make sure you ask the right questions.' Mr Tung: 'England stands no chance against Romania, ah! Its team has too many inexperienced players. The Germany versus Yugoslavia match was great though. Boy, did those boys run. Shame Klinsmann got knocked out near the end. He is too old for football, should retire soon.
'Oooh! The thought of retirement . . . What? Are we ready? OK, let's see if I can make this speech interesting.' Planning, Environment and Lands Secretary Bowen Leung Po-wing: 'Suspending land sales? Ho, ho! Where should I go on holiday from now until April? Better to take advantage of the weak Asian currency and stay within this region.' Mr Tung: 'Did I hear someone snore? Oh dear! Barely a minute into my speech and someone is sleeping already. Do I sound really boring?' Mrs Chan: 'Boss, you are sounding VERY boring. I am surprised I am still awake.' Mr Tsang: 'What are the chances we get accused of conspiring with property developers and promoting speculation.
'These politicians are so naive, saying the SAR Government is dabbling in the property market.
