MY mother likes to pass the time playing Scrabble. It is fun to watch her in action. People see a small brown woman in a sari and assume she will be an easy defeat. What they do not know is that she used to work as a full-time dictionary writer. She never loses. Did you know that 'ewk' was a word? And 'armozine', 'oi', 'soterial', 'bargee', 'aa', 'ee', and 'oo'? When I dared to ask what a 'norite' was, she told me to look it up in Chamber's. I did so. Chamber's explains that a 'norite' is 'a gabbro with a rhombic pyroxene'. How extraordinarily helpful. I am retaliating by writing my own unique dictionary, focusing on the present Hong Kong condition. Contributions from readers will be gratefully received. Here is part one of New Words For Hong Kong : barrowing: (ba ro ing) The act of speedily covering up and secreting down an alley a barrowful of fake Louis Vuitton bags, upon sighting an approaching police officer. coupondemonium: (ku pon di mow ni'um) Riot by persons shocked to learn that it was not wise of them to hold their life savings in the form of coupons for cream cakes or videos. delaymocrat: (de lay mok rat) Powerful person who continually reiterates his belief in democracy while arranging for its introduction to be delayed as long as possible. etherealist: (a thi re al is't) Person who believes that he can enter an elevator or crowded train without letting people out first, since his body temporarily ceases to have substance. filispace: (fil is pace) Space about 70 centimetres wide accidentally left by Hong Kong apartment builders, who disguise the mistake by pretending it is sleeping quarters for a domestic helper. getinquix: (g'tin quiks) Stock price which moves for no apparent reason shortly before the company concerned makes an announcement, thus rewarding insider traders while robbing small investors. hippening: (hip un ing) Pile-up that occurs when MTR turnstiles decline to open, with domino effect causing embarrassing groin-bottom collisions. hushits: (harsh its) People in cinemas who angrily sacrifice a significant portion of their popcorn or cola by throwing the containers at ringwormies (see below). lilhitler: (li lit la) Ubiquitous petty official who takes pride in forcing people to obey absurd rules, such as No Photographs May be Taken of or Near Our Skyscraper. menyucks: (men yuks) Items on menus which sound unappetising to tourists, such as (these are real) 'Pig Placenta With Rice' or 'Crap in Brown Sauce'. minibust: (min ee bus't) Bone fracture or other wound suffered by person getting on to a minibus which allows passengers 0.2 of a nanosecond to sit down before accelerating to 182 kph. nauseaniks: (noh see a niks) People who choose nouns as English names for themselves, such as Marmelade, Piano, Arsenic or Diptheria. Name comes from real-life Hong Kong secretary Nausea Yip. prudiots: (pru dee uts) Members of tribunals who think statues of the human body are obscene. pukists: (pew kis'ts) Persons who give their companies ridiculous English names, such as The Immense Tailor. The term is named after the celebrated Puking International of Sheung Wan. ringwormies: (ri ng wir mes) People who insist on answering their mobile phones in cinemas. roundering: (rown de ring) Brief dance by strangers who meet in narrow corridor and simultaneously move to the right, to the left and to the right again, before laughing nervously and squeezing past each other. staidium: (s'tay dee um) Concert venue in which heavy metal rock stars must play at the volume of acoustic string quartets. traum-trammelled: (t'rorm t'ram el'd) State of trauma experienced by passenger who has been crushed into the lower deck of a non-air-conditioned Whitty Street tram for half an hour. tungtie: (ta ng tie) The technique of sidestepping interviewers by giving lengthy answers which have nothing to do with the question asked. umptiposeur: (um ti po sir) Person with two or more mobile phones, especially if using more than one at a time. uppities: (ah pit ees) People who keep silent for years as their assets go up in value but loudly demand full and immediate compensation from the taxpayer on any occurrence of their moving down in value. yoksing: (yok si ng) Participle version of infinitive 'to yoks', meaning to pledge public loyalty to Hong Kong while filling in application forms to emigrate to Canada.