NIGEL Hawkes in his article ''Love, a many splendoured body language'' (Saturday Review, March 6) presents some of the characteristics of romantic love or infatuation. This intense emotional attraction, generally but not exclusively for the opposite sex, is a real and wonderful experience but it is not the sine qua non of Love. It has been said that you really begin to love when you have fallen out with love. Attraction for the opposite sex has a genetic component; it is designed by evolution to ensure the passing on of genes (excellently illustrated in the recent television series The Sexual Imperative ). However, several of the mating behaviours referred to in the article derive largely from socially-learned role models and vary across cultures and time. Romantic love is closely aligned with the phenomenon of physiological arousal manifested in a range of somatic symptoms such as heartbeat, palpitations, lump in the throat etc. In a particular context this may well be labelled as infatuation or ''love at first sight''. We know the difference between making contact with a person of the opposite sex in the crowded MTR as opposed to meeting him or her at a disco. Finding neuro-chemical bases for attraction may help some to disclaim responsibility for both falling in and out of love or ''love addiction''. However, such research is only in its infancy and it is risky to draw any conclusions. Romantic love may not be a new phenomenon but its promotion as the foundation for life-long intimate relationships such as marriage is a product of Western society. Love is more than feeling. Loving relationships don't just happen. They have to be made to start, made to work, kept in good order and prevented from going sour. Loving and being loved is so central to human well-being that it would be most unwise to entrust the task to the vagaries of romantic love. Contrary to what Sarah Ferguson says to Diana Spencer in the television drama Women of Windsor it is possible to be ''in love'' and ''terribly wrong''. KAROL MISSO Director St John's Counselling Service
