Where would Hong Kong's couch potatoes be without HBO, Cable TV's 24-hour movie channel? One viewer flicked on her television set mid-morning on a Saturday to find the stern warning across the screen in English and Chinese: the film she was about to watch was not suitable for children. Strange that such a prime kiddy-time slot would be filled with a movie deemed unfit for their impressionable eyes. The voyeur anticipated scenes of blood, gore or perhaps gratuitous sex in the film that was to follow. The credits rolled. It was indeed a cast of some of the most famous television stars of the century. And we have seen them all naked. Yes, nudity was on the cards: Kermit the Frog was shamelessly exposing his skin for all to see. The green puppet was swashbuckling his way through Muppet Treasure Island along with a cast of questionable characters including Gonzo the Great and Fozzy Bear. Sexual tension was at a peak between Kermit and the Madonna-like Miss Piggy, raising the dark spectre of cross-species sex. Despite all the singing, dancing, frolicking, cavorting and general colourful joviality of the film, Backbites was not fooled for a second. We cannot believe they let this smut on TV. Backbites urges readers to lodge complaints with the broadcasting authority right now. Weighty claims It is so refreshing to see honest advertising. The revolutionary 'Ultra Svelt' system offers hope to local fatties. The sticky pieces of tape have bits of dried seaweed on them, which, when attached to unwanted rolls of lard, produce fantastic results. Users receive 'a slim, sexy, great body in record time', according to fucus patch literature. 'Twenty-two kilograms gone - yes it works!' a pig-turned-beauty-queen is quoted as saying. So many up sides and no downs? 'No missed meals, no dangerous drugs, no vital food groups eliminated, no changes to your natural body chemistry,' patch pushers tell us. All this with 'no pie-in-the-sky promises'. What a relief. We do so hate it when advertisers try to pass themselves off as miracle workers. Gentle judge Former government prosecutions boss Peter Nguyen is showing a considerate side since his elevation to the High Court bench. Hearing his first criminal case after serving a six-month 'sanitisation' period, the fledgling judge appeared to be trying a little too hard to show he would not be harsher than his colleagues. When a defence lawyer applied for bail for a mother who admitted drugging her children with sleeping pills and chopping her husband, Mr Justice Nguyen was not keen. 'If she wouldn't mind staying in custody for two weeks,' the judge said, it would be easier to get a probation officer's report on her family. The surprised defence lawyer said he was not sure 'whether she would mind' remaining behind bars rather than enjoying her freedom, but Backbites could take a guess at her preference. Food fight Some solace for Asia's battered economies can be found from Canada, where the financial crisis must be more severe than thought. In fact there appears to be a food shortage. Seibu's food hall, Coo, has dedicated the month to the North American nation, promoting its natural produce. Unfortunately, it appears Canada cannot come up with all the goods. Underneath a giant Maple-leaf flag and a banner proclaiming 'Canada's Best' are piles of different kinds of pasta - from bows to rigatoni - emblazoned: 'Product of the USA.' Food producers in Canada expressed fear last week that the strike by Air Canada - one of the sponsors of the Seibu promotion - will enable their giant neighbours to the south to steal their customers. It appears they already have.