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Kevin Kwong

Remember that bizarre scene from Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex (But Were Afraid to Ask) in which the character played by Woody Allen (who also wrote and directed the movie) tries to escape from a giant, live, er, nipple?  If I remember correctly (I saw this film when I was a child - can you believe it?), the bouncing breast is so huge it crushes everything in its way and there is a real sense of terror that it is going to flatten the entire world.

 Very Freudian. Very Woody Allen. Very scary.

 It is like The Body Snatchers or Mars Attacks!, only this is a different kind of invasion. This is the breast invasion - and Hong Kong is being threatened by one at the moment.

 Of course, I do not mean that quite literally. I do not think there is a giant, bouncy female body part on the loose, lurking on our streets.

 However, if you take a look at the local newspapers, magazines, advertisements and television, what do you see?  Answer: pictures of scantily clad Japanese 'models and actresses' with heavy bosoms. I know they are heavy because these young, pretty and cheerful women are constantly bending over, possibly because they are weighed down by their assets.

 I have yet to see a picture of these Japanese women posing standing up straight.

 Then there are the social pages packed with photographs of tai tais showing off their expensive designer ball gowns that 'reveal nothing but suggest everything'.

 Well, most of the time these women have nothing to reveal which, to me, suggests they should start wearing something that is less revealing.

 How about all those uplifting 'Wonderbra' ads? I have yet to walk past one in the MTR stations without a friend commenting: 'No way!'  In the past few weeks, every time I have opened a local magazine or newspaper a pair of semi-naked breasts has leapt right out of the page, thrust itself in my face and punched me in the eyes.

 Which is not pleasant.

 So for research purposes (of course), I spent one morning counting the number of cleavages exposed in one magazine and it added up to 87 and a very sad life.

 But no invasion is a real invasion unless the evil forces have penetrated the airwaves.

 Last Saturday, TVB had to cancel the screening of the Super Summer Show on the Jade channel after having received more than 300 complaints that trailers for the programme were 'too sexy'.

 However, its rival channel ATV went ahead with broadcasting the Miss Asia Pageant Special on the same evening, despite similar protests.

 The organisers invited half-a-dozen busty Japanese girls as guests. One even managed to drop her bra top at a press conference when the cameras were flashing. Ooops! Bet that was an accident.

 There has been so much media coverage that even I now know the meaning of a 32A, 36E and 38F (which, apparently, is pretty extraordinary by Hong Kong standards).

 So, what do my well-educated friends and colleagues make of this excessive display of bosoms and those Japanese girls?  The lasses have this to say:  'Degrading!'  'Vulgar!'  'Stupid and gormless!'  'Cheap!'  'Really bad taste!'  While we lads have this to say:  'Where?'  Actually, men are not totally immune from this commercial exploitation and I have noted that pictures of bare male bottoms have surged in number in recent years, especially in fashion ads.

 There is little point in pretending that we are not interested in the naked or semi-naked body. Most of us are fascinated (if not obsessed) by it and there really is nothing wrong in that.

 However, to use it as a commodity or gimmick to sell is quite a different story.

 I mean, what does it say about our society when you have photographs of young Japanese girls posing in bikinis plastered all over magazine covers, week after week after week? Sick? Just how low can the local media get?  I guess the answer is much, much lower - as long as it sells.

 This brings us to the question of why the public wants to buy this stuff in the first place.

 Has it to do with the recent economic downturn that everyone just wants to bury their heads in the breasts (very Freudian) for consolation and comfort?  Or is our society just full of ham sup los (perverts)?  Whatever the reason, you have better watch out. For the bouncing bosom is now heading in your direction. Once it crosses your path, there is no escape.



An invasion of major proportions