We at Lai See are sad to see Philippine Airlines (PAL) folding its wings after more than half a century in the sky. Even as we write, staff at Manila's airport are counting down the minutes until midnight, when they will burst first into tears and then song. Auld Lang Syne to be exact. How did we already know this? Because PAL chairman and chief executive Lucio Tan is DJing the event. He has already handed out tapes of the song to airline directors, along with instructions that they be distributed to employees. Curiously, Mr Tan did not seek Lai See 's input before making his selection. We are a little irked by this oversight. We at Lai See do, after all, have memories of our own experiences on board Mr Tan's ageing aircraft. Based on these, we have to say that Auld Lang Syne simply doesn't capture the true essence of the PAL experience. We suggest an alternative. AC/DC's You Shook Me All Night Long . Let's play a game. See if you can guess what the following advertising literature is promoting: 'Burgundy (BY) is romantic, but is interested in action which means creative. BY is not only smart but passionate. 'Magnolia (DO) is peaceful. DO enjoys being romanced, wined and dined. DO requires new sensations and experiences. 'Turquoise (TQ) is harmonic and stable. TQ thrives on taking care of others, TQ is active and alive when outside. 'Polar Blue (PB) is shy, but highly faithful. PB is a deeply inner intelligent scientist. PB does not give up works easily. 'Majestic Yellow (MY) is a very social individual, and it is important to MY to have a relationship. MY requires closeness and togetherness. 'Silver Shadow (SH) is idealistic and enthusiastic. SH needs adventure, excitement and freedom. SH enjoys giving gifts to good friends.' No doubt you've already guessed it. This is indeed an ad for light switches. It seems Clipsal Asia has unveiled its latest line of electrical wiring accessories - the Mega2000 series. Peninsula Clubs and Consultancy Services general manager Martyn Sawyer sent us their ad literature. Until now, we are told, the firm's switches were only available in black and white. Now there are six new colours. But Lai See isn't buying. We have a busy life, with little time to wine and dine needy light fixtures. Besides, Turquoise sounds vaguely unsafe, with its tendency to become 'active and alive' when outside. We're also concerned that clingy Majestic might start sharking other switches on the hunt for that all-consuming relationship. And what is the etiquette on gift-giving? If the silver switch insists on getting us a present, do we have to buy it something in return? Forget it. These Mega2000s are too high maintenance. But that's just our opinion. Who knows? Maybe some people spend years prowling through electrical accessories shops in search of passion and romance. If you happen to be one of them, why not select a Mega2000? Whatever turns you on. While awaiting his mainland visa at the Chinese Resources building office, Regal Investment's Tony Arkey decided to pass the time reading a rather poorly edited Joint Declaration which just happened to be available. Always a riveting read, these particular State Council documents contained one passage that was positively steamy. Under the deceptively innocent heading: 'Annex II: Sino-British Joint Liaison Group, Point 2', Mr Arkey learned that: 'In order to meet the requirements for liaison, consultation and the exchange of information, the two Governments have agreed to sex up a Joint Liaison Group.' Impressive. Even President Bill Clinton wouldn't go so far as to have his sexual liaisons enshrined in treaty. Lai See suggests they rename the document 'The Red Starr report'. It appears that Japan is experimenting with new methods of boosting exports.