Buy Becks, sell Guinness.' 'I want red chips.' Ah the sounds of Wall Street. In Wan Chai. Wall Street Bar & Club doesn't officially open until March 10, but drink traders are already swapping shares from the comfort of their stools. The bar's bizarre price system is market-driven, encouraging wannabe brokers to invest in their favourite bevvie while sales are slow. The 'shares' can then be cashed in or swapped round after the beer bulls run prices up. Hong Kong's mini market copies the real thing. When the management doesn't like the way share prices are going, it intervenes. 'If the market overheats, we can crash it,' says managing partner Ralph Bernet. 'Then all drinks will drop to almost half price.' Crashes are inevitably followed by runs, then a return to mid-range prices. Seven computer screens will update share prices every two minutes. Customers can watch them while consuming 'red' chips and 'Hang Seng' salad. Lai See fears this will mark the beginning of a disturbing and costly trend. The traditional cry of 'Hey, baby. Can I buy you a drink?' is essential in a liquid market. 'Hey, baby. Can I trade you three shares of red wine for two Carlsbergs?' just isn't the same. Boy and girl scouts are leading the world's safe sex revolution, Scouts Australia tells us. The outfit just put out a new booklet on adolescent health. It advised parents to grow up and accept their children's involvement in sex. Fogies should also lighten up on marijuana, and not 'overstate the risks' that come with smoking it. It seems things have taken a turn for the interesting since Lai See earned her 'house-keeping' crest. We can only imagine what the latest crop of merit badges looks like. Now the Victorian branch is considering installing condom-vending machines at their jamborees. Lai See is impressed. After all these years, the scouts are still living up to their motto. 'Be prepared.' A British drug-maker is showing symptoms of duplicity. Healthcare giant Smith & Nephew invited the press to a company talk about 'expansion plans in China'. More than a dozen reporters turned up to listen. So they were mystified when the visiting British executives launched into a series of 10-minute speeches. None of them mentioned the spread of disease cures across the border. One drug pusher bored journalists with a 15-minute demonstration of S&N's best-selling product, a scar-healer called 'Cica Care'. When at last question time came, reporters asked the medicine men to please expand on their expansion plans. Amazingly, they refused. It seems the execs didn't want their competitors to know what they were up to. Plus they didn't want to say anything ahead of their 1998 results announcement. The assembled reporters were not amused. They had been lured to a mainland-expansion information session which provided no information on mainland expansion. 'It was a hoax,' said one hack. 'We wasted our time on scar cream.' A bitter pill to swallow. The Economist magazine recently published a list of possible joint ventures in its letters page. Among them: Federal Express and UPS combined to make 'Fedup'. Westinghouse and Time-Warner uniting to form 'Westingtime'. And Isuzu, Nomura and Goodyear creating 'Isnogood'. Idea-poaching Lai See scanned the Hong Kong firms in search of a more local list of abandoned mergers. Nority International, Hopewell Holdings, Four Seas Travel and Peace Mark nearly joined forces to create Macau's biggest casino yet, but 'Nohopefourpeace' was dropped for unspecified reasons. We also decided Jackin International and Associated International Hotels should have banded together to form 'Jackass'.