The prisoners always gave Rob bemused looks, and he soon found out why. Behind the prison gates, the designation for convicted robbers is ''Rob''.

They thought he really was ''one of them''.

Father Robbery recently organised a football match in the prison, and managed to get three of Hongkong's best known footballers - Dale Tempest, Ross Greer and Iain Hesford - to play against the prisoners.

Ross and a prisoner both went to do headers and violently collided skulls. Unfortunately for Ross, the prisoner's name was Ironhead.

''Ironhead didn't feel a thing,'' said Father Robbery.

Then a ball from Iain went sailing up and over the barbed wire fence. You should have seen the amazing rush of volunteers to go and retrieve it.

''The match was a great success,'' said the clergyman. ''So much so that the prisoners are hoping for another game soon - an away match.'' All they need is a good team name. How about ''Father Robbery and the Slammers''? Special service NISSEN Davis of McDonnell Douglas returned to Hongkong to find a note from the health club manager at his hotel, the Marriott, he told us yesterday.

''A cross sex massage service will be implemented to satisfy those who need this,'' it said.

''Does this mean the service will be rendered by a scowling person in black leather?'' he asked. ''Or is it by someone wearing the garments of the opposite gender?'' We have no idea how the Marriott plans to ensure people get a ''cross sex massage''. Perhaps they call the masseurs nasty names until they get really irate.

Post mortem SYLVIA Yung of Hongkong and Shanghai Hotels got a letter from the Travel Council of the World in California.

Carefully stamped on the back of the envelope were the words ''LETTER ENCLOSED''.

Why did the Travel Council get such a word-stamp manufactured? Why do they think they need to use it? One can only imagine it is because the people to whom they write are incredibly stupid and have conversations like the following: A: Gee, there's an envelope in my letter-box.

B: What's it say? A: It's got my name and address on it.

B: What are you going to do with it? A: Now I've finished reading the envelope I guess I'll throw it away.

B: Look! The words ''LETTER ENCLOSED'' are stamped on the back.

A: Oh. Maybe there's a letter inside! Airy words HUTCHISON taipan Simon Murray was introducing new airport supremo Hank Townsend at a Hongkong General Chamber of Commerce lunch yesterday at the Island Shangri-La ballroom.

He described him as the top man at ''the Provincial Airport Authority'', according to sharp-eared Roger Thomas of DFS, sitting nearby.

Freudian slip? Wong move TONY Wong, assistant postmaster-general, said yesterday he liked the concept of ''number portability'', a scheme in which each person has his or her own phone number permanently.

One advantages was that if a customer changed his address, he would not need to change his letterhead or business cards, said Mr Wong at a telecom conference.

Surely this means that after a couple of moves, everyone would have the right phone number but the wrong address? Oh well, it would be a challenge for Mr Wong's staff.

Forex blues DANA Sather of American Appraisal Hongkong received an interesting fax from the forex people at L & D Investments, she told us yesterday.

It contained a chart with various interesting lines on it.

A note at the bottom said: ''Breaking through above blue line, you can continue to sell US$, under blue line you can continue to buy US$.'' Dana said: ''I think I should get a new fax line. I couldn't tell which of the lines was blue and which were other colours.''