A veritable chameleon is our John Burrows. Arthur Andersen's regional managing partner for Greater China and Australia flows seamlessly from one business environment to the next. Mr Burrows knows that communication and understanding are the key to successful negotiating. He was back home in Hong Kong yesterday promoting his company's global survey of asset-management companies and its outlook for the industry. Why, a reporter asked, did Mr Burrows' role straddle two totally different markets - one emerging and one developed? 'I speak the language,' was the Aussie's reply. 'Putonghua?' asked the reporter, impressed. 'No,' said Mr Burrows. 'Australian.' We see the Valuejet crash has returned to the media spotlight as court proceedings get under way in the United States. Once again, our screens fill with haunting images of clothing and wreckage being fished from an alligator-infested Florida swamp. The images were particularly haunting for reader Howard Mckay. Mr Mckay found himself aboard an old twin turbo-prop plane in Manila airport, bound for the island province of Cantanduanes. He flagged down the stewardess and asked her if the Air Philippines aircraft was an old McDonnel-Douglas or a Fokker. 'I don't know sir,' she replied. 'But it was made in Japan.' None too reassured, he kept a sharp eye on the safety demonstration. The Air Philippines stewardess pulled a life jacket over her head and went through the usual tugging of whistles and bells. Mr Mckay suddenly noticed a large label on the underside of her jacket. He peered closer. As the props began to spin, he was able to make out the name. 'Valuejet'. Good to see recycling is alive and well in the Philippines. We wonder what name is emblazoned on the life boats of that nation's ferries. Perhaps 'SS Titanic'. Ah, Vegemite. As Aussie as the koala bear. As southern as Paul Hogan. As symbolic as the Opera House. Which is why Dick Smith was so horrified to discover that the brown spread is actually American. And why he's declared Vegemite War. The Sydney businessman will take on an American company, the tobacco giant Philip Morris, with his new, home-owned 'Ozemite'. A leading supermarket chain has already agreed to stock it, the Sydney News Service tells us. The culinary crusade has two targets: the foreign control of Australian food, and the ownership of Vegemite by a tobacco company. 'It is extraordinary that a cigarette company that exploits Australian schoolchildren now owns such an Australian icon,' an angry Mr Smith said. 'Philip Morris is better suited to the funeral industry. After all, our funeral industry is controlled by Americans.' So watch out Vegemite. Ozemite is ready for you. At least, it will be once it has a recipe and some ingredients. But fear not. Mr Smith has launched a competition to find the inventor of Ozemite. The lucky winner will receive a year's supply of the stuff. That's sure to attract an avalanche of entries. Anyway, we like to see a businessman who's committed to his principles. Even if they do centre on brown sludge. Best of luck to him. Lai See toasts Mr Ozemite's efforts. Are you sick of sharky men, but not clever and witty enough to think of one-liners to repel them from your bar stool? No problem. Lai See has just received a list of sarcastic comebacks guaranteed to drop his fin back below the water line. Here are four of our favourites. Simply commit it to memory and use one of them next time a boozy lawyer or trader dribbles your way: 'If I throw a stick, will you leave?' 'Are those your eyeballs? I found them in my cleavage.' 'I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.' 'I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable.'