Lai See has an important word to say regarding censorship. Shag. Allow us to repeat that. Shag. Shag-shag-shag. No, that wasn't a childish naughty-word impulse. That was a demonstration of our freedom as Hong Kongers. Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me is set to breeze into the SAR with a minimum of fuss. In Singapore, horrified censors originally renamed it The Spy Who Shoiked Me (Singaporean slang for The Spy Who Was Nice to Me), before deciding the locals were actually mature enough to cope with the word 'shag'. More surprising are some of the other nations that have joined the ranks of the squeamish. Malaysians are calling it The Spy Who Loved Women. In Germany its Spion in Geheimer Missionarsstellung (The Spy in the Secret Missionary Position). In Spain, they've named it La Espia Que Me Achucho (The Spy Who Serviced Me). We were astonished to discover that in France - where bare-breasted billboards heralded the debut of Emmanuel Meets the Wife Swapper - the film has been redubbed L'Espion Qui m'a Tire (The Spy Who Shot Me). To find out what all the fuss is about, Lai See consulted Thomas A. Carder's film review web site. Mr Carder is warning his Christian readership that even his review of this movie holds the power to shock. 'Before I get into the dirt, I need to warn you about this commentary but this stuff was IN THE MOVIE! Right there! On-screen!' he said. So far, so promising. The film, Mr Carder tells us, is a hot-bed of depravity. As if the 'suggestive eye movement' wasn't bad enough, there's also 'exaggeration of dependency of surgically removable sexual drive'. Then there's the 'bottle of Heineken beer used because of its phonic resemblance to the slang for posterior' (in case you didn't know, 'heiny' is Americanese for that particular portion of the anatomy). Also alarming are the 'pulsating brags of personal sex appeal'. We're not entirely sure what that means, but it does sound sinful. Mr Carder rounds out his list of grievances with: 'Just one more quick one - Dr Evil sensually sucked his little finger'. Shocking. We just don't know how these finger-sucking, pulsating braggers find their way into our theatres. But then, Lai See has always been amazed at the number of controversial films that make their way across our screens. Witness the case of Lolita, which fell foul of American censors. The tale of paedophile obsession floated in and out of our theatres with a minimum of fuss. Ditto Crash, the tale of a weird couple driven into fits of sexual desire by car crashes. Hmm. Whatever. But before you start convincing yourself that you're living in the Sweden of Asia, perhaps we should remind you of a few historical facts. Like the fact that our censors on the Obscene Articles Tribunal branded Michaelangelo's statue of David indecent. Ditto some chocolate, a sausage and a slice of nectarine. In fairness, the food in question did look erotic. Photos of the offending edibles appeared in East Touch magazine's five-page sexual satire. The contentious sausage, complete with cartoon smiley face, was depicted perching upright on a plate of lettuce. An 'alluring slice of nectarine' also beckoned the depraved. As did the chocolate 'naughty bits' fashioned into male anatomical shapes. The magazine said its aim was to teach people to lighten up about sex and see the funny side. But the tribunal was not amused. East Touch was branded indecent and fined. Not surprisingly, our tribunal's membership tends to be dominated by the male and the elderly. But let's be fair. Prudery takes many shapes. Witness the young woman who recently tried to take a trio of stall sellers to court because they took their shirts off at work. 'I can live with men who have bad body odour, but nakedness and swearing using sexual language are the same as sexual harassment to me,' Cheng Yin-fong said. The High Court Registrar threw her case out of court. Lai See is guessing Ms Cheng won't be sitting in the front row of The Spy Who Shagged Me on premier night. But we will. Lai See is proud of Hong Kong for opting out of the censorship saga that's seen the film re-dubbed Austin Powers: The Shy Have Gagged Me.