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Charlotte Parsons

Q)What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 40? A) Your honour.

Q) What do you call 2,000 lawyers at the bottom of the sea? A) A good start.

Q) How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb? A) It depends how much the light bulb can afford to get screwed.

Q) If you see a lawyer and a senator drowning and you have to make a choice, would you go to a movie or lunch? Lai See is shocked and appalled by these so-called jokes.

 We recount them merely to expose the vile slurs perpetrated against the men and women of the legal profession.

 These people have dedicated their lives to justice and what do they get for it? Nothing but mockery and contempt. Well, that and a few truckloads of cash.

 But there's good news.

 At last, someone has decided to take on the jesters.

 Hong Kong's humour victims have just received a memo from Law Society President Anthony Chow.

 'Lawyers have frequently been the target of abuse and bad jokes for as many years as anyone can remember,' he says.

 'They are often perceived as interested primarily in pursuing their own financial gain.' (Oh, that reminds us . . . Q. Who invented copper wire? A. Two lawyers arguing over a penny.)  Anthony goes on to explain that the profession wouldn't be such a joke if everyone knew how nice the people in it really are.

 If only our citizenry could see the tender hearts that beat beneath those robes.

 Why can't we, you may ask.

 Ah. It's because solicitor swarms are shy, and like to keep their charitable sides secret.

 Very secret.

 We're talking put-these-people-in-charge-of-American-weapons-technology secret.

 Which is why so few members of the public have yet to learn of the 'immense amount of unpaid and charitable work that is undertaken by members of the profession'.

 Mr Chow informed the solicitors that 'they work for the benefit of the community in which they live and are happy to do so in the knowledge that they are benefitting the society in which they live' .

 It seems lawyers have fallen victim to their own modesty.

 Which is why they're being invited to fill in a questionnaire recording all their good deeds.

 Once people see this sweetness, they'll repent their nasty ways.

 So it looks like our lawyer-joke days are numbered.

 Q. What do you call 100 lawyers parachuting from an aeroplane?  A. Skeet.

 Sorry. We just had to get one more in while there was still time.

Ah, the generosity of HSBC and friends.

 Reader Wayne Beer just received its latest batch of goodies.

 The bank's credit card holders are being offered a 10 per cent discount on food and beverages at the Grand Stanford Harbour View.

 Slight hitch.

 That's food and beverages 'excluding drinks'.

 We hear their next promotion will offer a discount on food 'excluding meals'.

Hong Kong's first pro-footballer just scored a few points with the press.

 He materialised at a press conference at the Football Club.

 In the centre ring of the media circus was the English FA Cup.

 AXA China Region, the holding firm of National Mutual Insurance, had brought it to Hong Kong to raise money for the Community Chest.

 Suddenly local soccer pioneer Walter Gerrard popped up by the buffet.

 Formerly of Glasgow Rangers, the Scotsman helped change the face of Hong Kong football.

 The press gang was impressed to discover that AXA's efforts had placed a legend in their midst.

 Good thing they didn't hear Mr Gerrard exclaim, through a mouthful of petit fors, 'It's not every day you see the FA Cup when you go for a swim'.

 Soon afterwards, Walter pointed out that Bury had won this very cup, and, also being an ex-Bury, player suggested that he pose with it.

 Flashes captured his moment of delayed triumph.

 'Actually I wasn't on the team when they won,' he conceded when the glory-basking was done.

 Oh well. This week, at least, he got a kick out of it.



Mockery, contempt and truckloads of cash