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Charlotte Parsons

Lai See was shocked to discover that action hero Jackie Chan has been urging innocent tourists to involve themselves in illegal activities.

 This he did while cavorting with a giant lobster.

 We refer to the film idol's latest tourism ad - the one that shows him helping out foreign seafood seekers on the Sai Kung waterfront.

 It culminates with happy Jackie beaming at the camera, chock-full of Hong Kong pride. Behind him happy diners glow with joy and lantern light as they dine beneath the stars.

 Makes our SAR look like a little slice of paradise.

 There's just one problem.

 It's all illegal.

 The ground beneath the tables belongs to the Government, and those restaurants broke the law when they put them there.

 There are nine eateries on that stretch of waterfront. Between them they've managed to rack up 13 prosecutions for nomadic furniture this year alone.

 'We send patrols to cut down illegal activities outside,' Environmental Health Superintendent Yip Wong Pui-ha told Lai See .

 'I understand some people think we should allow them to set tables outside. Some people have written some articles saying we're too stringent.

 'But it's against the law, so it can't be helped.'  For her part, Lai See thinks government law-enforcers should devote their time to cleaning up black spots instead of picking on beauty spots.

 But the powers-that-be have more important things on their mind. Like thinking up faster ways of transforming our wildlife-rich, sea-front city into a toxic wasteland.

 But back to the ad.

 It would appear that our Government, our best-known film star and the Tourist Association have joined forces to promote crime.

 Perhaps Gong Li will star in the next public service announcement, helping hapless tourists find bargain VCDs at stalls in Shamshuipo.

Today's quiz:  What takes more than two years to make, costs $2 million, and has a powerful sedative effect?  Yes, it's the 'History of the Urban Council', coming next millennium to a bookshop near you.

 Provisional urban councillor Lai Hok-lim is the brainchild's father.

 His $2 million legacy will bear fruit in the autumn of 2001, producing between 3,000 and 5,000 copies.

 Hong Kong history museum's chief curator Dr Joseph Ting told Lai See that the volumes will provide 'a comprehensive, authoritative, truthfully represented and factually indisputable history of the Urban Council from its formative years to the present day, highlighting its role in political, economic, social and cultural development of Hong Kong'.

 Sounds fascinating.

 Lai See 's willing to wait for Chow Yun-fat's 'Urban Council: The Movie'.

Today's award for Best Use Of Jargon To Say As Little As Possible In As Many Words As Possible goes to Mr Lau Chun-sing, Police director of Crime and Security. The winning comment:  'Sharp pro-active actions together with early prosecution against syndicates can create an effective impact and generate deterrent effect on perpetrators from committing Loco-London gold trading scams.' Are you an avid collector of plastic figurines shaped like dead chicken-sellers in various hats?  Then yesterday was your lucky day.

 KFC has just launched its 'Colonels From Around The World' promotion. Plastic effigies of Colonel Sanders were up for grabs, along with a display case shaped like a chicken-house.

 Gee. We just can't imagine where the fast food outlet got the idea of offering 'collectible' plastic figures in round-the-world outfits.

 We notice the promotion features a 'Hawaii colonel', flower-bedecked and clutching a surfboard.

 Next time you're in KFC, take a look at the founder's photo on the wall.

 Then try to imagine him clad in Speedos and shouting 'Surf's up!' before sprinting, Baywatch-style, into two storey-high waves.

 Anyway, KFC is giving out flyers that promote the deal and spread fried chicken knowledge.

 'Nearly five billion pieces of fried chicken are sold every year,' it informs us.

 'Placed end-to-end, that's enough chicken to go around the world 11 times!'  It's food for thought.



Hero Jackie tables serious law and order issue