Lai See wasn't in England on Tuesday, so we didn't see the faces of Donald Tsang's audience. But we bet they were a bunch of miserable old stiffs. Why else would our Financial Secretary take one look at them and decide to skip over all the fun bits of his speech? Reporters who'd obtained written copies in advance were flummoxed when the bow-tied speaker began leap-frogging whole paragraphs. The self-censorship began almost immediately. Right after the usual pleasure-to-be-here stuff, Donald had planned to tell his Confederation of British Industry audience: 'Although it is early in the day, I know that some of you must have been awake for hours attending to work matters. 'And given the heavy social obligations of these annual get-togethers, I am sure there are one or two here who might need a couple of aspirin with their orange juice, toast and marmalade.' We're guessing Donald took one look at the assortment of fun-free faces spread out before him and decided to abandon any intimations of mid-conference debauchery. He then went on to explain the origins of the term 'Full Monty'. (Apparently he's worried that some partly restructured Asian economies aren't going the full monty). Said Donald: 'I am well aware of the more contemporary use of the expression, given the success of Sheffield's contribution to the movie world . . . it's to the more traditional meaning which I refer today'. See those dots in the middle? They mark the spot where he should have said: 'Just in case you think I'm going to start by taking off my jacket and end by taking off my socks.' The Financial Secretary then defined the term 'to go the full monty' as 'going all the way and finishing something you have started'. Sounds to us like it was Donald who didn't go the full monty. Today's quiz: Who was in the Furama Hotel yesterday? A) A bunch of has-been celebrities. B) The King of Abalone and the Queen of Cakes. C) Eels. D) All of the above. The solution was D, and the occasion was the 'Delicious Roasted Eels Reception'. Roast-eel company Quality Food International (QFI) was hosting the event, which bore all the hallmarks of a last ditch marketing gimmick. The firm's stock exchange debut is set for this morning. Abalone king Yeung Koon-yat was wheeled out, along with deposed cake queen Maria Lee (remember Maria's?). The pair gave verbal testament to the magic of QFI eels. Former Metro Radio chat show host Pamela Pak also slipped on stage to talk up the eels. Said she: 'I like eating eels a lot as I want an eel-like waist.' Hmm. Lai See's heard of the wasp-like variety. But last time we checked, eels didn't have waists. Riddle: What has one two-legged chair, numerous no-legged chairs, and runs around the Peak following the Hang Seng Index? Answer: The annual Sedan Chair Race. Two-legged Mary Rafferty is the chair race committee's chairman. Organisers are still tallying up the takings from Sunday's event, but event co-ordinator Eleanor Carder says this year's run-around raised well over $2 million for local charities. That's a big improvement on last year, when donations dropped to around $1.8 million. Ms Carder tells us the economic slide dampened the charitable spirit of the companies that donate raffle prizes. Lai See decided to take time out of her hectic making-fun-of-everyone schedule to compare the raised peaks on the Hang Seng Index with money raised on the Peak. Our graph shows the chair-raising results.