Something very strange is going on. It seems an odd new brand of treachery has come into vogue. It all started with the Sheraton Hotel-owners' conference. No less than 20 financiers descended on Hong Kong last week to talk about the Sheraton. Care to guess which hotel they held their conference in? Wrong. It was the Great Eagle. Ted Teng, who heads the Westin and Sheraton groups in this region, claims the my-life-is-the-Sheraton crowd abandoned their own hotel because all the meeting and conference rooms were booked up. Lai See doesn't believe it though. We bet it's cause they're all just sick to death of the Sheraton. The second weird-vogue incident starred a customer with the Bank of East Asia (BEA). Well. She was trying to be their client, anyway. The would-be customer called up BEA's Cyber Banking hot-line to ask about the service. She was told to contact the marketing department instead, and given their telephone number. The marketers fobbed her off on to the Public Communications people, who in turn informed her that she should be speaking to someone else. She was given yet another set of digits. On the edge of giving up, she dialled them. 'HSBC,' a voice answered. But it took the Australian immigration minister to raise brand treachery to an international level. Philip Ruddock was in Hong Kong last week on business, and flew out Saturday night. For the journey home, the Aussie Government representative was asked to name his airline of choice. He was offered a first class seat on either of his country's carriers - Qantas or Ansett. His choice? Singapore Airlines. It's so nice when people are willing to do your job for you. Take Starwood Hotels & Resorts Worldwide. They generously wrote to Business Post offering an interview with one of their head honchos. No judgment calls needed. Starwood informs us that this information will be of interest to Business Post readers. They also provided us with a page of 'Interview Angles' and a list of the questions we'll be asking ('Gee, Starwood Man, what makes your hotels so darn successful?'). Lai See was touched by this willingness to shoulder our professional burden, but felt obliged to repay Starwood by offering her own services in return. So we dropped by one of their Westin hotels, identified some areas in need of improvement, and sent out this Memo To Staff: The following Lai See innovations will be of interest to guests of the Sheraton and are to be implemented immediately. 1) Re. Welcome Baskets of Fruit: To make those predictable baskets more fun and exciting, the hotel now offers guests a chance to win a trip to New York with our 'Worm Your Way To The Big Apple Contest'. First guest to discover a live worm in one of the apples wins. 2) Re. Dress code: All young bellhops will henceforth keep those cute little hats tilted at a rakish angle. 3) Re. Guest of Honour: Every week, maids will calculate which male guest has spent the most hours in female company with the 'Do Not Disturb' sign on his door. As a surprise, the winner's passport photo will be blown up and mounted behind the reception desk on our 'Stud of the Week' plaque. There. That should spice things up a bit. No need to thank us, Starwood. Let's just call it even. More of those oh-so-helpful warning labels: On a blanket from Taiwan: Not to be used as protection from a tornado. On a helmet-mounted mirror used by US cyclists: Remember, objects in the mirror are actually behind you. On a Taiwanese shampoo: Use repeatedly for severe damage. On the bottle-top of a flavoured milk drink in Britain: After opening, keep upright. In a US instruction book to setting up a new computer: To avoid condensation forming, allow the boxes to warm up to room temperature before opening. (Sensible, but the instruction book was INSIDE the box). On a child's Superman costume: The wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.