One of the Post's roving reporters was cruising around Sydney Harbour one sunny Sunday afternoon when he spotted a fellow passenger and her young son standing beside a handrail unscrewing the lid of a thermos flask. The woman then proceeded to shake what appeared to be the ashes of a dearly departed loved one into the harbour, while her son looked on. Obviously she had never heard the old sailors' maxim about relieving oneself into the wind, as half the contents of the flask whipped back over the handrail to cover our intrepid reporter and two Japanese tourists. The tourists went berserk and told the reporter that in their country it was considered bad luck to have some dead stranger's ashes tossed all over you. So is it okay if you knew the guy? A reader writes to tell us of Hong Kong taxi driver scam Number 263. Charging for babies. At the end of a $15 journey the driver asked for $5 for the ankle-biter - a sprog of four months strapped to its mother - the same charge as for a piece of luggage! Not being the gullible type, our Hong Kong street-wise mum told the taxi driver where to get off. Lai See is appalled at the disparity in price. Babies should be $10. After all, luggage doesn't cry or vomit and has to travel in the boot. 'Ere we go, 'ere we go, 'ere we go. Lai See has uncovered the tour guide for football hooligans and members of the legal profession. Under the E-coupons page at the finet.com.hk leisure Web site are $100 cash coupons, for those booking through 'Louts Tours'. Internet service provider AsiaOnline has called in the doctors of spin in its dire attempt to convince subscribers that moving their billing arrangement from arrears to advance payment is good customer service. Not content with funding from its 'leading' financial investors, AsiaOnline now wants its 'valued' mug-punters to stump up the cash in return for 'reliable and leading' customer service. 'In the short term, the benefits to you will include even more responsive services,' enthuses chief spin doctor and general manager, Greater China operations Lee Kheng Joo in an e-mail. Lai See undertook a comprehensive and far-reaching survey and asked the reporter sitting next to him what he thought of AsiaOnline's service record. 'Crap' was the reply. Come on Mr Lee, spin faster. Pitman Qualifications are throwing open their doors in an effort to entice more business professionals into their Workplace English programmes. 'All employers, employers' associations, Training and HR personnels are cordially invited to a Seminar on Workplace Engish,' the company's ad proclaimed. Lai See is looking forward to their Spinish, Germon and Frentch seminars. More points to ponder on this wintery Wednesday morning in Hong Kong: Why does the Times Square tower facing Happy Valley have '2000 Yeah' prominently displayed in bright lights? Is it a celebration, or a giant-sized spelling mistake? If it's zero degrees outside today and it will be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be? Where do swear words come from? Why are there floatation devices under airliner seats instead of parachutes? Why is a carrot more orange than an orange? How come Superman can stop bullets with his chest, but always ducks when someone throws a gun at him? Why does lemon juice contain artificial ingredients and washing-up liquid contain real lemons? How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn't grow in it? Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle? Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets? 'Tis the season to be jolly and LAI SEE NEEDS YOU. Is your company giving you the Christmas party you deserve, or is it another round of drinks and a bag of crisps at the Bull and Bear? What's that hanging on the Christmas tree? Are they new decorations or last year's crumpled offerings retrieved from a box in the storeroom? Let us know who are the Scrooges and who are the Santas. Anonymity assured.