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Charlotte Parsons

Today marks the launch of Complainasia.com. The new Web site will provide 'an independent Web site for consumers to complain, criticise or comment on any company in the region.'  Sounds impressive.

 Launch party invitations were sent out, asking guests to grace the China Club at five thirty on Tuesday, January 25.

 But when they arrived, there was no sign of the event.

 Cancelled, club staffers informed them.

 Their PR people told Lai See the event had to be postponed at the last minute because the site wasn't quite ready.

 This did little to mollify one disgruntled guest, after a wasted journey to the China Club.

 Said he: 'What I want to know is, who should I complain to?' Jimmy Lai moves in mysterious ways.

 It's true.

 These days, Hong Kong's controversial tycoon is taking pains to keep his travel plans to himself.

 Either that or he must be the most indecisive man alive.

 We are told that he has spent more than HK$100,000 buying stacks of air tickets from his own direct sales marketing venture adMart.

 Staffers reckon he does not want them to know what he is up to, and bought the tickets to help throw them off his scent.

 He's bought tickets to Malaysia, tickets to Thailand, tickets to the United States . . . to name but a few.

 Bit strange, given that he's only going to be away from the office for two weeks.

 The tickets give Lai to the expression 'You can't be in three places at once.' Waaaaaltzing Matiiiiilda, Waaaaaaaaaltzing Matiiiiilda.

 That was the sound of Lai See getting into the Australia Day spirit.

 Yesterday marked the birthday of the backward-seasoned land.

 So we thought it was a tad unsporting of the Hong Kong Law Society president to make a joke at the country's expense.

 Anthony Chow made the crack during a speech at a leaving do.

 He proclaimed that he and the departing High Court judge had something in common; They have both served in the Solomon Islands in the South Pacific.

 Mr Chow said: 'The only thing I can remember about the Solomon Islands is that when I arrived I discovered everyone on the island drank the beer with four X's on the label, which is an import from Australia.

 'When I asked why it had got such a funny name, I was told it is because Australians don't know how to spell beer.'  What a remarkable coincidence. Exactly the same thing appears to have happened to former West Indies cricket captain Clive Lloyd, six Aussie joke book authors, and several thousand stand up comedians.

 Anyway, the joke's mouldiness aside, we think it's insensitive of our Law Society leader to mock a nation on its special day.

 It's bad form.

 Even Lai See wouldn't stoop so low.

 After all, Aussies are sensitive people.

 Whether it's their criminal past or male-dominated present, they don't appreciate being made sport of.

 But we've learned to understand them.

 We've even learned the secret of recognising a well-balanced Australian by sight alone.

 They're the ones with a chip on both shoulders.

The Lai See column has at last been recognised as an academic tool and a gateway to the kingdom of knowledge.

 We do not usually like to blow our own horn, but a group of intellectuals at a local university has just asked us to publish some of their research work.

 The professorial types have informed us that 'after five years of unreproducible research, 'Jolly Roger' at City University has identified the ten things that wives are least likely to hear from their husbands.'  Here are some of them:   Here, you take the remote. I don't like gadgets.

  I don't feel like sex. Why can't we just sip some wine and cuddle?   It really embarrasses me that you don't have more nice shoes.

  I'm bored. I think I'll wash the windows.

  I'm going to stop and ask directions before we get even more lost.

  Is there anything special you'd like me to wear in the boudoir? 



Party cancellation a critical blow for Web site