It's Monday so that must mean it's Seafood Fish Identification day. Those cuddly World Wide Fund For Nature Hong Kong types have teamed up with the Agriculture, Fisheries and Conservation Department, to launch the earth-shatteringly exciting Identification Guide to Fishes in the Live Seafood Trade of the Asia-Pacific Region. Apparently the problem lies with Hong Kong's imports of live reef fish from around the region and - please don't fall asleep, it gets better - imports are recorded under the Harmonised System of the Hong Kong Imports and Exports Classification codes. Now here is the interesting bit, since local common names rather than scientific names are often used, import declarations are sometimes 'confounded with mis-identification'. Which means everybody stands around all day scratching their heads, staring at fish, and being completely baffled over whether they have caught a chondrichthyes or an osteichthyes. The solution? In their wisdom, the groups have launched the Identification Guide which describes 98 species of common marine food fish. The guide includes invaluable information such as scientific names, habitats and a set of pictures of your favourite fish. So next time you visit Aberdeen fish market, don't be surprised to see local fishermen running around, sticking fish on to pictures, and shouting at each other in Latin. Are you sitting comfortably? Then I'll begin. There was once a head of a monetary authority called Joseph Yam, and Mr Yam had a weekly column on the Hong Kong Monetary Authority's Web site. In his column, Mr Yam would ramble on about all sorts of stuff that would leave the rest of us totally confused. And last week's column was no exception. Okay, that's enough fairytales but not it would seem for Mr Yam. In his own inimitable style, Mr Yam presents a version of a popular story about the 'King of Heaven' who banishes three guards to earth for a day's begging after being caught napping on the job. The first guard writes 'beg' on his bowl, the second writes 'beggar.com' and the third writes 'e-begging'. The first beggar made $7.80, bought a hamburger and returned to heaven having repented. According to Mr Yam, the other two made loads of cash from their Internet ventures and decide to remain mortal. Seeing this, the King of Heaven puts on a new robe with 'heavenking.com' on the front and 'e-heavenking' on the back and ascends into cyberspace. His trip did not last long and he soon fell through a hole in the clouds, past the guard with $7.80 and into oblivion, concludes Mr Yam. The point of all that Lai See isn't exactly sure but he is looking forward to the sequel - Goldinblocks and the Plummeting Shares. HSBC is trying to weed out riff-raff by upgrading their AssetVantage accounts to something called HSBC Premier. The bank is 'delighted' to tell their 'best customers' that they can now enjoy a whole host of new and exciting benefits and services. The catch? 'We are also introducing a new fee structure to ensure you receive value for money, and that we recognise and reward the business you do with HSBC,' lucky customers are told. Those with a balance above $1 million will continue to enjoy the services free. Good so far. However, now if you maintain a balance of less than $500,000, raised from $300,000, you will have to pay $300 for the service! That's an extra $200,000 that customers are going to have to cobble together. Lai See's already searching down the back of the sofa and now only has another $199,997.50 to come up with. British education chiefs were left feeling a little sheepish recently after having to scrap 48,000 literacy posters sent to teachers with two glaring spelling mistakes. The department failed to spot that 'vocabulary' was misspelled 'vocabluary' on the posters that pupils were being urged to learn about writing 'though' their own work instead of 'through' it. 'We are pleased that the teachers are obviously reading the posters,' the Department of Education told Reuters after the mistakes were discovered. And Lai See thought Hong Kong had an English-language problem.