It always warms the cockles of Lai See's heart to see big corporations going out of their way to help the aged. So we were pleased to come across newspaper adverts promoting Cathay Pacific's 'Senior Discounts'. They feature a photo of an elderly gent clad in Terminator-style sunglasses. He sits in his aircraft seat and holds his in-flight pillow straight out in front of him pretending that it's the wheel of a racing car. His wife is smiling indulgently, so we're guessing this is a sign of boyish exuberance rather than advanced senility. 'He's taking his wife on the Grand Prix Circuit' the text above informs us. So the couple is away to the races, and for a whopping 25-per-cent discount. But you don't have to be a speed freak to enjoy this deal. Says the text beneath the photo: 'Camel riding at the Pyramids? Steering a gondola through the waterways of Venice? If there's something you've longed to do all your life, now's the time to start planning. 'Because with our special 25 per cent reduced Cathay Pacific Senior Discounts you can fly to any of our worldwide destinations for a fraction of the usual price.' But before you run out and buy that gondola cushion or camel saddle wax, there's something you might want to know. Cathay doesn't go to either of those places. Elderly Pyramid enthusiasts won't get any closer than Europe. After that, you're off the airline and off the discount. But what about those Venetian waterways? We called up the Cathay number on the advert to find out. Lai See: 'I'd like to buy a ticket to steer a gondola through the waterways of Venice using your 'Senior Discount'. Cathay: 'We don't fly to Venice. 'We won't be able to give you the senior's fare from Rome onward, and it will end up costing you more than another discount ticket I can offer you, so there's no point.' Oh well. Their heart's in the right place - unlike the dream vacations of elderly passengers. ? ? ? First there was David and Goliath. Then the United States and Vietnam. Now it's Richard and those People-With-The-Nice-Sea-Views. A cluster of Pokfulam water aficionados just knocked the Cyber-Port giant down a peg or two. Well, a floor or two at any rate. This emerged out of a Legco panel meeting on Monday, after legislators were done fretting over whether or not Richard Li and company could still afford to complete the project - given the ravages of time and a few good-sized takeovers since the project's conception. Anyway, back when the Pacific Century gang drew up their plans to turn the waterfront into a mass of concrete, they naturally assumed beauty could be sacrificed on the altar of cyber-progress. In Hong Kong, that is a pretty safe bet. So we imagine that when some of the residents near the site complained about their sea views being blocked, their voices were as menacing as the tiny buzz of a few far-off mosquitoes. But the mozzies have drawn blood. During the panel discussion, it emerged the Government reduced the height of some of Richard's proposed buildings. Perhaps with CyberWorks shares tumbling, those HK$13 billion building plans are starting to look like a tall storey. ? ? ? To celebrate the capture of the alleged ILOVEYOU bandit, Lai See brings you a couple of selections from the ILOVEYOU Digest, courtesy of the RHF Joke Archives: An archive contributor says he received this e-mail: From: Matthew Barker at SGI Subject: I don't love you and this is not a joke This is a virus that works on the honour system: for those Unix & Linux fanatics who're feeling left out, please forward this message to everyone you know and delete a bunch of your files at random. Found in Manila a few days ago . . . To: Guerrilla From: Abu Sayyaf No, no, no. You got it all wrong. I said kill the virus, and release the hostages.