Forum play: The votes are in. The winner of this year's coveted 'Kinkiest Investors' Conference Award' has just been named. It was no contest, really. Credit Lyonnais Securities Asia (CLSA) won hands down. Of course, it helped that their invites included black G-string underwear with tags on them saying 'Woah. Woah. What's new pussy cat?' in hot pink letters. And it didn't hurt that Tom Jones is going to be gyrating about in front of hoards of underwear-throwing females. But what really clinched it was the choice of speakers. Not for CLSA the dry parade of speccie stockers who spend their lives in pursuit of market trends. Nope. Yesterday's forum starred a married man who romped with a prostitute while on the phone to the President of the United States. Yes, it's former Clinton pollster Dick Morris. He was the president's chief strategist back when the leader was seeking re-election. But that was before Mr Morris decided to produce a book on his own life. Demand for this masterpiece sprang into existence after a photographer documented his dalliances with a lady of the evening. In pages packed with therapy jargon, Dick claimed that his many forays into the world of prostitution were just his little way of trying to combat the loneliness caused by being sent away to camp as a boy. Hmf. That old chestnut. At the height of his infamy, the adulterer informed ABC Primetime Live that he had lived a 'very promiscuous life', that he had visited that prostitute more than 40 times and that he had fathered the child of his Texan mistress. Said Dick: 'What I did was behave like a 12-year-old'. Wow. Lai See obviously went to a really boring primary school. Oddly, nobody asked him about any of that yesterday. Reporters questioned him on his involvement in the launch of a new product that examines the sentiment and investing habits of the individual investor. It's called 'Pole to Pole'. Lai See was surprised by this sudden display of reticence. What stopped the hack pack from closing in? We asked one of the reporters, who said: 'Everyone wanted to, but when he went before the press he did something very clever that stopped everyone from making him talk about all his affairs.' Dick brought his wife. Crossed lines: Curiouser and curiouser. The mystery surrounding CLSA's Great Telecoms Pull-out deepens. The hosts of Hong Kong's most decadent investors' forum on Monday circulated a newsletter/conspiracy theory on the large number of telecoms speakers who backed out. On the list were representatives of C&W HKT, SingTel and Hutchison. Coincidence? We think not, said CLSA, speculating that there must have been something afoot in the HKT takeover saga. But those weren't the only names on their no-show list. Cyber King Richard was there. 'Boss man Richard Li is no longer going to be in Hong Kong and is not even able to make a video link-up,' grumbled 'Asia Morning Line'. This baffled the Cyber folk. Turns out their leader had never agreed to speak in the first place. And no-one had asked him to do a video link-up. 'Sometimes they invite him and no-one says yes but they put him down anyway hoping he'll come,' said CyberWorks spokesman Joan Wagner. 'This has happened before.' Poor Rich. So misunderstood. But in a show of no-hard-feelings type sportsmanship, he has decided to go and speak after all. Naturally his detractors are delighted to have him. It's not often that false accusations are Rich Li rewarded.