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Charlotte Parsons

Lai See  went to the AsianLaw 2000 awards recently, and something surprised us.

All the lawyers were extremely ill-mannered. Apparently raised together in the same barn, they yapped away to each other throughout the MC's introductory speech, completely drowning him out.

Presumably they couldn't bring themselves to interrupt the flow of intra-table debate over the ideal signature space width for Corporate Acquisition Form T4/729.

But back to the thing that surprised us.

Awards were dispensed against a giant backdrop containing the words: 'Asian Lawyer 2000 and THC='.

'What does  THC equal?' Lai See  asked the event's hosts. They stood out as a polite, friendly bunch who produce, among other things, a magazine on the legal profession.

'Tetrahydrocannabinol,' one of them responded immediately.

'It's the active ingredient in marijuana.'

'No seriously,' we said.

He and his colleagues looked at each other and shrugged. 'We are serious,' another said. 'It's the name of our company. Blame the founder.'

After that, Lai See  could only watch in amazement as plaque-winning lawyers posed, grinning, beneath the giant 'THC=' sign. So it's true what they say about the legal profession in Hong Kong. It really has gone to pot.

Cyber-parenting:  Today's quiz question. Which of these most resembles the future of Internet business?

The future of Internet business is like . . .

A) A broken-down Porsche.

B) A cyber-chief-executive's ugly daughter.

C) Tung Chee-hwa's career.

D) A dog urinating on a box of alphalpha sprouts.

If you answered D, please drop us a line. Lai See  is curious to learn how you managed to link cyber-firms with an animal relieving itself on an obscure salad ingredient.

Back to the question, the correct answer is B. That's if you agree with new father and chief executive of GEM listed techpacific.com, Johnny Chan Kok-chung.

In the same week that Next Media laid off 100 more staffers at its dotcom operation Mr Chan was asked what's in store for e-Commerce?  His reply to conference delegates was: 'My baby daughter was born two weeks ago. Myself and my wife have obviously been saying a lot about how beautiful she was.

'We were hyping her up. And the next-door neighbours were probably saying among themselves, oh, what an ugly duck she was. But I think neither of us could be right, as it's really too early to say whether she's beautiful or not.'

Sounds like heartache, sleepless nights, and up-to-your-neck in . . . the contents of nappies. Jimmy Lai probably wouldn't disagree.

Prize technophobes: It was a close race for Lai See's Technophobe of the Month contestants.

First, there was Anthony Neoh, former chairman of the Securities and Futures Commission. He was at an Asian business law conference in Singapore and had this to say on policing the Internet:

'Let me own up. I talk a lot about the Internet, but until October 1998 [when he left the SCF] I didn't do a lot of surfing on the Internet. I had a lot of people working for me so I didn't need to touch a computer.'

Impressive.

But in the end, he was out-phobed by Trairong Suwankiri.

The politician took home the prize (a quill pen) for admitting that he phoned his wife in Australia recently to ask for help in working out how to turn on his TV. Mr Trairong is Thailand's minister in charge of science and technology.

Graphic: whee06gbz



Legal joke goes up in smoke