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Charlotte Parsons

It's Valentine's Day. So Lai See  spent yesterday investigating how other people planned to celebrate it.

The news wasn't heartening.

It looks like the forces of anti-romance have the upper hand this year.

Over in India, youth gangs have been attacking shops selling Valentine's Day cards because they're 'loaded with nudity and sex'.

Lai See  is plagued by visions of Hello Kitty embroiled in a naked sex romp.

Apparently the youths blamed Valentine's Day and its card crop for 'moral degeneration in society'.

Youths on the rampage over a bunch of heart-covered bits of cardboard.

They just don't make teenage rebellion like they used to.

But the love line-up doesn't look much more promising in Hong Kong.

TVB Pearl has spent the past week subjecting its viewers to a parade of shmaltzy films as part of its 'Be My Valentine' special.

So what is it serving up for the big night tonight?

Casablanca ? Romeo and Juliet ? Sleepless in Seattle ?

Nope. Racing.

Then we came across a full-page advert in the Chinese-language Sun  newspaper. It carried with it the promise of unvarnished romance.

'More fun for Valentine's Day with the smell of fruit,' it said.

On offer are strawberry, orange, mint and banana.

Lai See  pictured couples feeding each other the foods in question, eyes filled with love for each other and for life's simpler pleasures.

Sort of a back-to-the-Garden-of-Eden-type thing, only no sinister apples.

But that was before we noticed the box.

Durex. The ad was for their Valentine's Day special - condoms that are coloured and flavoured.

For a moment, Lai See was touched by the image of lovers sharing some of nature's most beautiful foods. But no.

Our search for romance proved fruitless.

Anna's orders: Hong Kong Exchanges and Clearing yesterday announced that investors will be able to place orders through the Internet before week's end.

The timing was a little unfortunate, what with yesterday's e-mail bug rampaging through corporate in-boxes.

Wonder what the exchange is going to do with 500,000 orders for Anna Kournikova?

Don't sweat it: A reader just came across a strange sign outside a religious organisation in Nathan Road, Tsim Sha Tsui.

We're told the spot is used for some vigorous prayer sessions, and worshippers have to abide by a strict set of rules. Hence the sign.

It reads: 'No littering. No shouting. Swearing allowed'.

Our reader was surprised by the existence of a sect for the foul-mouthed, so he popped inside to find out more.

Turns out there had been a slight spelling error.

'Since English is not our native tongue, we didn't know how to spell the word,' a God squadron leader conceded sheepishly. 'Thank you for bringing it to our attention.'

Apparently it gets a bit stuffy in the prayer room, but the sign was trying to tell hard-working disciples not to feel guilty about sweating.

Dateline: Since it's Valentine's Day, Lai See  has selected a relationship-related 'Quip of the Day'. It comes from Dan Pearl, who swears it's original, and that it actually happened.

Scene: Dan and his girlfriend are eating in a restaurant when a beautiful woman walks by.

Girlfriend: Would you date her?

Dan: Ummm . . . 1972?

Graphic: whee14gbz



Search for love proves fruitless