Miced pork, streamed bean cure, braised lamp and fired chicken are some of the dishes we have chuckled over recently on English menus in Chinese restaurants in the SAR. Then there was the large sign in Tung Chung's new ParknShop superstore a couple of weeks ago that offered: 'Green crap, $15 a tael'. Of course they meant green carp, and the sign was removed a few days later. A Hong Kong tailor shop announced, 'Ladies may have a fit upstairs', and a dentist here, trying to reassure his patients, put up a notice reading, 'Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists'. But elsewhere in the region, they're having problems with English, too. Travellers tell us that in Bangkok, a dry cleaner encourages, 'Drop your trousers here for the best results', and an advert for donkey rides asks, 'Would you like to ride on your own ass?'. In Japan, a tourist tells us, she saw the following notice in an hotel: 'Is forbidden to steal towels please. If you are not a person to do such thing, please not to read notis.' Also in Japan: 'You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid', and in a bar, 'Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts'. And an information booklet about using an hotel air conditioner in Tokyo advises: 'If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself.' Next week we'll look at some of the clangers that have been dropped on signs in hotels, restaurants and airline ticketing offices in Europe. Have you spotted any weird and wonderful misuses of English on your travels? Let us know about them.