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Charlotte Parsons

If you've ever considered getting health insurance, you've probably marched through the usual parade of questions: Do you smoke? Do you have cardiovascular heart disease? Do you engage in high-risk activities like sky diving?

They're basically a barometer for determining whether you're pushing the Grim Reaper away or offering Him a hand.

A left hand.

We learned of Death's  lefty preferences from HSBC.

Reader Doug Brown was browsing their 'Declarations' section when he stumbled across this mixed in with all the other acts of self-destruction: 'Are you or any of your family members left-handed?'

What could it mean? Do lefties pay higher premiums? And if so, why?

We've heard of corporations getting clients to sign away their rights. Is HSBC trying to sign away their lefts as well?

Lai See  called up to ask and was informed that the question was there for 'historic reasons'.

It used to be that your dominant hand was worth more, insurance-wise. So a lefty who lost his right hand stood to get a smaller payout than a similarly injured righty. But it doesn't work like that any more.

Which brings us back to our why-are-you-asking-this-question question.

The HSBC people told us they're going to 'look at it', and perhaps withdraw the query.

But the conversation left Lai See  unsatisfied. Is there more to this - something the bank was afraid to tell us?

Was the firm secretly aware of some looming threat to the health of those with the south paw? These people have been discriminated against in the past. Are they now about to meet with violence at the right hands of zealots?

You know the kind of bigots we mean - the us-versus-them types. They get really paranoid about the whole hand issue.

Lai See  knows a few of them. They're always muttering about leftist conspiracies.

Different banana: This week, AXA China Region's new medical officer, Dr Hector Wong, reported for duty.

But rather than bore everyone with a memo about it, general manager John Snelgrove found a more original means of communicating his arrival. So he went to Wellcome and bought 750 apples.

Unfortunately, the allusion proved too subtle. Baffled staff just couldn't work out why their desks had suddenly sprouted fruit. So a poster went up on the staff notice board informing them that 'An apple a day keeps the doctor away'.

The next day, Dr Wong's very first AXA patient was spotted slipping sheepishly from the clinic armed with cough medicine and antibiotics. It was Mr Snelgrove. Presumably, his doctor-deflector was defective.

Guess it's true what they say - in every company there's always one bad apple.

Meaty thought: Ever wondered what makes a country great?

Is it weaponry? Wealth? Technology?

Nope. Hamburgers. If you eat enough of them, your nation will become powerful.

So sayeth mainland meat industry leader Wang Zhiliang.

He came out with this quote: 'The most powerful countries in the world are those with a high consumption of beef. Man cannot live off vegetables alone.'

On behalf of her fellow vegetarians, Lai See  thanks him for that insight.

Army snuff: This just in from Australia.

Last night, a radio phone-in caller offered PM John Howard this suggestion for combating the growing drug problem: 'Why the hell couldn't we get the army in with a crack team?'

Graphic: whee29gbz



Left right out on the other hand