Single fathers are a marginalised breed, but their numbers are growing across the world. In the United States the 2000 census found 2.2 million single-father families, a ratio of one in 45 of all households and a rise of 62 per cent the previous 10 years. Hong Kong has seen a three-fold jump in the divorce rate in the past decade; last year saw 13,048 cases, with fathers being granted custody of their children in 30 per cent of divorces. And one in every five single-parent Hong Kong households caused by bereavement is a unit headed by the father. Last year there were 100,000 single-parent families in Hong Kong, a third of which were receiving money under the Comprehensive Social Security Assistance Scheme (CSSA).
Despite the rise in their numbers, single fathers seem largely invisible here; the Hong Kong Single Parents' Association, Caritas Family Services and the Family Welfare Society are among the few groups helping support men struggling to bring up families alone, often while trying to hold down a job. And social workers report that men who become single fathers because of broken marriages often suffer depression.
In many cases, however, fathers have shown themselves as capable as mothers when it comes to bringing up stable, happy children. The secret, social workers agree, is to overcome the emotional trauma of 'going it alone'. Only by accepting pain can men become good single parents, says Jessie Yu Sau-chu, chief executive of the Hong Kong Single Parents' Association. 'Single fathers are as important as single mothers as a social phenomenon,' says Yu. 'We should be more alert to single fathers' roles in society.' Such attitudes may help to explain why there has been such a phenomenal rise in the number of single fathers being granted custody compared to a decade ago.
Though the bare facts, and government statistics and experts, tell one side of the story, the joy and sorrow involved in bringing up children solo in Hong Kong is best described by the men themselves.
So Shu-wing, 56, is a part-time accountant and single father to daughters Lucia, 25, and Lilia, 21, and son Jonathan, 14.
'I guess it's my faith that helps me through the pain. To overcome the pain of my wife's death is certainly an experience and, as a Catholic, I believe it must bear some meaning for my family. It's tough for a man to become both a father and a mother and everything for the family. But I guess I haven't done a bad job after all.'
So's wife died of leukaemia in 1989 and he has been a single father since. He has a maid, his friends and relatives to help out, but he still finds being a single father tough. 'We had a long time to get prepared,' he says. 'I hired a maid so someone could take care of the household chores.' He believes the only thing he did not count on was the heartbreak. 'My wife had been the backbone of our family, it was like losing a soulmate.' With the support of his faith, So set about converting his pain into strength. 'I knew it must be God's design for her to leave me,' he adds.