TIM Charlton of Arbuthnot Road, Central, went out with a gang of friends for a boys' night out on Saturday. They went to Mad Dogs in Wyndham Street and decided to shock their systems into the mood by downing shots of tequila. A dozen little glasses were filled with the clear, deadly liquid, and handed round. ''Cheers,'' said Tim. They knocked back the tequila slammers and waited for their heads to explode. Nothing happened. ''Hang on a minute,'' said Sean Stone of Drake, the personnel firm. ''I didn't feel anything? Did you?'' ''No,'' said Tim. ''Not a thing.'' They peered suspiciously at their glasses. It was almost as if they had been given little vessels of water. The management decided to investigate. They said the boys were right. They HAD been served shots of water. Some of the bottles were filled with water for display reasons. A novice bar tender had accidentally served them from one of these. To the credit of Mad Dogs' management, the lads were given a round of real tequila slammers to replace the water, and then a second round free. ''After two in a row, we were pretty much wasted,'' said Tim. They could have done with some water then. Incidentally, we hear that two businessmen, Raju Daswani and James Fong, have opened a bar at 11 Hanoi Road in Tsim Sha Tsui, called Mad Cats. Safe economics MATTHEW Martin of Jardine's Lookout pointed out the irony in the news that the authorities in Shanghai were raising prices in a bid to solve the inflation problem. It does seem a trifle illogical. It's like saying: ''Have sex for celibacy.'' Firm bet SSSHHHH. Don't tell anyone, but we know some insider information. We got it by listening to Robert Gilmore, a sort of sheriff of the business scene. Mr Gilmore of the Securities and Futures Commission turned up at the Legco finance committee meeting yesterday with some fascinating news. In a few weeks, the long-dormant Insider Dealing Tribunal was likely to be revived, he said. This would be the first time in seven years. This caused lots of excited sniggering. It was about time one of the many bad guys in town got their come-uppance, although that is rarely any nastier than being whipped with a length of ho faan. The interesting thing is that since Hongkong is so small, it isn't particularly difficult to work out a short-list of likely suspects. At that moment, the chamber and press gallery should have emptied as people ran to the Statue Square telephone booths to call their brokers. But no one moved. We were all too honest or too stupid. Devilish PAUL Claughan of Stanley sent us the namecard of an employee of the Fortune Court chain of Chinese restaurants. Her name is Angel Sin. ''A fallen Angel? Or just another oxymoron?'' asked Paul. Sting in the tail WRITER Jane Ram was surprised to find two staff from the Regional Services Department on the doorstep of her home, which is in a leafy bower in Lamma, yesterday morning. ''We have come to get rid of your rats,'' announced one of them. ''I don't think we've got any rats,'' said Jane. ''We do have a cat and a dog, though.'' It seemed unlikely that anyone would mistake a cat and a dog for a pair of rats. Or was it? The two men, who were carrying anti-rat spray, looked around and then suddenly pointed at two grey lumps on one of Jane's trees. ''Look! Rats,'' they said. They surrounded the ''rats'' - which turned out to be two hornets' nests. They sprayed the nests and took them away. The whole thing was rather surreal. Lamma would be an excellent place to film The Twilight Zone, don't you think? They could just set up some cameras and leave them running. Holiday work THE City Polytechnic of Hongkong sent us a press release yesterday. ''Opportunity to Improve English in the Summer Vocation,'' said the headline. Er. In English, it's normally a ''vacation''. One and six WE assumed yesterday that the spouses of the Group of Seven leaders, who meet in Tokyo today, were all women. But someone pointed out that Canada two weeks ago acquired a female leader, Prime Minister Kim Campbell. However, we're not sure she will be bringing a gentleman to join the ''first ladies'' group on their tour of a Tokyo garbage plant. Ms Campbell has a complicated private life. She was brought up in a broken home, she married and divorced twice, and she raised three step-children. With such a background, she should be plenty tough enough to put the male world leaders in their place. Counted out LAURA Janney of Peng Chau had an excellent explanation for cigarette smokers having a lower risk of developing ulcerative colitis. ''While non-smokers are developing strange diseases associated with old age, smokers have skewed the statistics by already being dead.''