Dear David
I'm the type of person other people describe as 'kind' and 'dependable'. I quite like this but the more I go out of my way to be obliging, the more others take me for granted. The trouble is I just can't say 'no' to anyone, even if I don't want to do something. I want people to like me but I also want the respect others get.
How can I achieve this?
Jane
Dear Jane
You are anxious that people won't like you if you set limits due to what you need to do for yourself. You also are worried that people won't respect you if you say 'no' sometimes. Actually, it's just the opposite. If you are seen to have reasonable boundaries and are taking care of yourself as well, then you will surely have the respect you wish for. Perhaps you need to strengthen your shaky self-esteem. If you aren't sure of your own value and essential goodness, you are more likely to wonder if others have the same questions about you. The more secure your own self-esteem, the more likely you'll set balanced limits and boundaries with others: the more confidence you have in yourself, the more likely you'll have the respect of others. People quite often go to counselling for issues regarding self-esteem, self-confidence, balanced boundaries and reasonable limit setting. You are not alone in your feelings by any means and your goals are achievable.