bodyType

customContents

entityId

entityUuid

articlePageQuery

filter

article

articleBaseAdvertisingInfoArticle

articleListArticle

articleSeoArticle

hooksArticleAcknowledgementGateOverlayArticle

hooksTrackPageViewArticle

hooksContentInterestArticle

articleLinkingDataContent

hooksAmpRedirectArticle

articleSchemaContent

liveArticle

advertZone

sentiment

contentLock

topics

types

sections

paywallTypes

createdDate

publishedDate

urlAlias

moreOnThisArticles

sponsorType

commentCount

authorLocations

authors

corrections

displaySlideShow

multimediaEmbed

printHeadline

seriesContainer

articleSpeeches

socialHeadline

headline

images

flag

firstTopic

glossary

flattenTypeIds

image

relatedLinks

relatedNewsletters

__typename

sponsor

pdfFiles

seriesReverseOrder

series

disableOffPlatformContent

published

updatedDate

summary

subHeadline

body

keywords

readingTime

customTimezone

liveContents

David Evans

You only get what you pay for and the rise in consumer complaints is testament to this.

Last year 1,344 people complained about bad furniture, a 16 per cent increase on the previous year.

But if you are going to spend HK$100 on a stick of furniture, then don't expect to be handing it down as a family heirloom for generations to come.

That is why television cabinets by the Yorkshire-born 18th Century craftsman Thomas Chippendale are still changing hands today for thousands of dollars.

Tom knew how to nail furniture together and charged a fortune for it.

His brother Bernie, on the other hand, was not quite so successful.

Bernie had the idea of boxing up bits of wood and a few screws and labelling them table, chair, CD rack or what have you. The idea being that buyers could get their servants to put together the item of their choice in the comfort of their own stately home.

Unfortunately, there was one tiny flaw in the plan - the screwdriver hadn't been invented and the whole thing collapsed faster than you could say 'Ikea'.

This is why very few Bernard Chippendale pieces survive today and those that do resemble bits of wood and loose screws in boxes.

Glancing through this year's complaints to the Hong Kong Consumer Council reveals some interesting patterns.

Take for example the four complaints about funeral services.

Who's doing the complaining?

In 1999, three people were having a moan about match-making services.

This fell to two a year later (but then three is a crowd) and remained at two last year.

Hellooo, is it just us? These two are made for each other.

Sad One: 'Well, I collect cardboard boxes which I use to keep my hair in. My mother says I can take them with me when I move out, which I hope to do before my 45th birthday. I also complain regularly to the Consumer Council.'

Sad Two: 'I complain to the Consumer Council every year and I don't care what anyone says, I think that goitre suits you. Here, borrow my polo neck.'

There was a 400 per cent increase in complaints regarding personal saver alarms. The number of people complaining about the alarms - used to attract urgent medical attention - increased from one to five.

But to us that says: 'Hey, they're working'.

Complaints against 'Old-age affairs' fell 6 per cent, which might suggest less old people are straying from the marital bed.

People are still being suckered into modelling/talent contracts that fail to deliver. An extra 32 per cent of people fell for the old line: 'Are you a model? Well you should be. Give me your life savings, pop your clothes on the chair, and I'll get you in the next John Woo flick as a lamp-stand.'

There was a slight drop in the number of complaints about pets.

Owner: 'But you don't understand. He smells and messes all over the carpet.'

Consumer Council: 'Have you considered having him put down?'

Owner: 'Yes, but who would walk the dog?'

The 216 people who still manage to entertain themselves with terrestrial TV clubbed together again this year to complain bitterly that there is nowhere near enough horse racing to justify broadcasters' claims to cater for a diverse mix of viewers.

Complaints about musical instruments went up from 15 to 17 - a number which probably includes the 16 calls we've made about the nocturnal trumpet player in the flat upstairs.

Overseas removal services saw complaints fall by 25 per cent, but that is probably because people are still waiting for all the pieces to arrive.

Finally, the number of complaints from mainland tourists fell 14.8 per cent last year and will probably fall to zero this year after Thursday's Right of Abode ruling.



Complain with me, let fly, let fly away