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SCMP Reporter

GET this for a jammy scheme. Top-class hotels all over Hongkong are receiving a letter from Target magazine.

  It says that from next month, the magazine will feature six-page special reviews of top hotel suites in the territory.

  ''In order that our report be objective and accurate, Target's reviewer will stay over the weekend (check-in on Friday and check-out on Sunday), at the Presidential Suite of the participating hotel, at the expense of the hotel, including food and wine during the stay,'' says the letter from Nancy Ng, general manager.

  And what does the hotel get out of this?   A bill for $30,000.

  ''The participating hotel will be requested to sponsor the six-page review at $30,000,'' says Ms Ng.

  Hang on a minute. So Target is planning to do a completely ''objective and accurate'' review by accepting extremely expensive freebies, and then accepting a large chunk of cash.

  There has clearly been a mind-boggling revision of the nature of journalistic ethics.

  In view of this, we would like to announce that we will run completely impartial and objective articles on anyone who sends us large amounts of cash in small used notes.

  What do hotel general managers think about Target's offer?   Helpless laughter, in several cases.

  Ain folk DELTA Electrical and Engineering Services of Hongkong recently got a letter from a Taiwanese firm called Perty Enterprise Co.

  It was addressed to ''Great Brit Ain.''   Delta's managing director C.K. Lau said: ''Although Delta group is full of Brits in the UK, there is no great Brit named 'Ain'.''    The joy of fax  NEWLY-WED David Thomas of Thomas Spencer has been without his beautiful bride Julia for about four weeks, since she went to the UK for the summer.

  Being one of those rare, romantic chaps, he decided to send her a fax loaded with sentiments such as ''I love you'', ''I miss you'', and some rather more saucy comments, according to his colleagues.

  He fed it into the fax machine at the end of a long day and went home.

  The next day, he admitted with horror that he had sent the fax by mistake to the home fax of the company's London-based director.

  The director's wife came upon the fax, and was at first a little upset that her husband was having such an intimate friendship with a colleague.

  The Londoners sent back a response telling him that they loved him dearly too, and arranged for him to get a bouquet of flowers in front of the whole office.

  We're all in favour of harmonious corporate relations, but this is a bit much.

   Goose down WE have never seen financiers so divided on whether the Hongkong share market is on the way up or down. Either way C.K. Law of South China Research or Marc Faber is going to end up nicknamed ''Wrong Way Corrigan''.

  Funnily enough, today just happens to be the anniversary of Wrong Way Corrigan's flight.

  For anyone who doesn't know the story behind this, it commemorates an aviator called Douglas Corrigan.

  In 1938, he left New York on a trip to California. Corrigan noticed rather a large body of water beneath him, and assumed it was a lake. When he finally landed, he found he was in Ireland.

  Wildlife researchers recently dubbed a Canada goose ''Wrong Way Corrigan'' after he arrived in Scotland instead of going home to Canada. The goose took a wrong turn at Greenland during his migration.

  Whichever Hongkong financier gets his investment predictions wrong will find his reputation turning left at Greenland and heading into the deep, deep south.

   Nudes latest GOT a nervous call from a chap who knows the expat nudists caught in Wan Chai on the July 4 weekend.

  ''Please don't put any names in the press - the boys are a little concerned about that,'' he said.

  He was worried about the polaroid which exists of the event.

  ''They are now willing to bid $10,000 for the picture. But keep that between you, me and your readers,'' he said.

  Meanwhile, Lis Harrison of the Hongkong Channel tells us that there is a new craze in Tai Tam: naked water skiing, as demonstrated last Sunday.

  Did they get rid of the wet suits for safety against sharks? Sharks have been known to mistake humans wearing black wet-suits for seals, which are among their favourite meals.

  ''But they should watch out,'' said Lis. ''Digits, limbs and other dangling parts of your anatomy are considered snacks.'' 



Suite offer deserves a sour response