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SCMP Reporter

If you're seeing red today it's probably not just the two dozen roses blocking the harbour view from your penthouse suite. (Dream on!)

St Valentine's Day seems to have a habit of provoking behaviour that might not strictly be regarded as, well, romantic.

Things apparently got off to a bad start on February 14 in 270AD. A priest, named Valentine, was caught trying to join two rebellious Romans in holy matrimony against the orders of the exceptionally scary-sounding emperor Claudius the Cruel.  He wanted his young warriors to save their strength to fight on the battle front  not the domestic front.

Valentine was hauled off to  a dungeon to perish in the sort of dreadful way that is too often a prerequisite for sainthood.

Just a little too macabre for a Hallmark or even a Kodak moment, even on this most angst-ridden of days when the mailbox threatens ominous emptiness.

(Flashback to seminal primary school Valentine's card. Front cover: 'I hope to see you pretty soon.' Open card, baited breath and pounding heart: 'You've been ugly for so long.' I still know who you are, Anonymous.)

Seeing red may also be caused if there is any truth in a report published in The Sun  newspaper yesterday, where one in 10 adults admitted they would send a Valentine's Day message to someone who was not their partner, with men likely to be 'slightly more unfaithful' than women.

But in this 'water horse' year of conflicting water and fire elements, Valentine's Day just happens to fall on the third day of the Lunar New Year, known as 'Red Mouth' day. This is the day when it's best to stay at home after two solid days of visiting relatives and friends has often left patience a little thin, nerves a little frazzled and fuses a little short. While it's true that some are attracted to their partner's passionate side, exploding like last night's fireworks finale may not set the required romantic tone.

Fung shui expert Raymond Lo Hang-lap,   speaking from Portugal yesterday where he and his wife are romantically touring, did little to calm fears about this potentially volatile confluence of days.

'Valentine's Day is not going to be good for ceremonial functions, it's particularly not good for marriage or opening ceremonies [for shops] but for social events it's no problem.' (It's probably not too late to postpone your wedding today until Chinese Valentine's Day on the 15th day of the Lunar New Year).

Those born in the year of the goat - 1979 and the 12th year either side - will not be lucky today because Valentine's Day belongs to the ox, the goat's nemesis. Inexplicably, however, Mr Lo was not at all alarmed about the future prospects of wedding proposals today.

Hopefully this is some good news for the staff at Pacific Place restaurant Thai Basil  (apart from the goats), who are hoping their Chinese wedding red decor will get people in the matrimonial mood like it did on Valentine's Day last year when a couple of couples popped the question after they decorated the restaurant like a church.

Let's hope the only Red Mouths in evidence today can be blamed on lipstick.

Whipper-snipers:  Your little tyke can now goose-step with the best of them. He or she can learn to control crowds of little old ladies in yellow T-shirts or right-of-abode protesters committing group haircuts. At least, it will look like they can. Fork over HK$60 at a photographic studio in Whampoa Garden and you can obtain a poster-sized image of your stern-faced bundle of joy dressed in a variety of militaristic guises, from shield and baton wielding riot-control policeman to machine-gun toting army man. The perfect Val's Day gift for the partner whose thwarted military ambitions can now be fulfilled by their infant children.

Bleeding heart: Make him/her weak at the knees by insisting the best Valentines' present they could give you today would be to donate a pint or two down at the local . . . Red Cross office.

The truly resourceful can also turn your moment of altruism at the blood-transfusion service into yet another attempt to get 'a good photo of the two of us together' thanks to a photographer in residence today. (Tip from St Valentine: laugh about your matching pallor when you see the photo; do not suggest names of gifted cosmetic surgeons.) You can also skimp on the gift budget because, if you're good and you don't cry, they'll give you a teddy bear test-tube vase (hopefully empty) to take home.

David Evans is on holiday

FO01: laisee@scmp,com

FO01: 2565 2670



Day for lovers leaves others seeing red