Every week, the Families page will feature readers' questions answered by our panel of experts. Dr Susan Jamieson, a Scottish-trained family practitioner with 14 years' experience in Hong Kong who specialises in a holistic approach, will handle your medical queries. David Bailey, director of St John's Cathedral Counselling Service, has more than 20 years' experience helping individuals, couples and groups. He will be happy to take readers' questions on all types of relationship issues. Bill Connor is director of student services and a psychologist at Hong Kong International School. He welcomes your questions relating to school and education matters. Dear David My nine-year-old daughter is an avid collector of china dolls and asked if she could look at doll sites on the Web. Fed up with pornographic spam and sites, I normally restrict her home Internet access because the blocks that are supposed to filter pornography also prevent access to sites I need. Blocking the word 'fantasy', for instance, bars me from Amazon.com. She has access to the Internet at school so this is not a big problem. I said she could use the home computer to look at doll sites, never dreaming what would happen. She typed in 'china dolls' and was immediately confronted by a hard-core porn image on a homepage. She is traumatised by what she saw, crying and rubbing her eyes, trying to remove this horrible image from her mind. She is haunted by it and cannot sleep. I feel awful that her innocence has been violated like this. What should I do? JW Dear JW, I'm sorry to hear about this negative experience. The good news is, children are resilient; they bounce back quickly, especially when they have the support of their family. Your child saw something you wish you could protect her from. However, she saw these images at home, where she can receive support and comfort from her parents. Since your daughter is only nine, these pornographic images probably have a different meaning to her than they do to an adult. She may be most upset because she didn't get to see the dolls she was interested in. You'll know more when you ask her. Try not to confuse your own guilt with the feelings of your child. Is it her or you that is 'haunted by it'? If you're concerned that she's traumatised, ask her how she's feeling. Keep the conversation open-ended, giving her a chance to tell you exactly how she feels. Your feelings are absolutely normal but don't be so hard on yourself. You were trying to help your daughter, but unfortunately we can't protect our children from everything in life. Andrea Wainer-Skonick, of St John's Cathedral Counselling Service, for David Bailey Please e-mail your questions to families@scmp.com . They will be treated in strict confidence and anonymity is assured.
