Dirty Vegas (Capitol) 'So guys, here's the deal. My name's Steve and I've written a few passable tunes on my acoustic. Okay, I know the lyrics are dull and obvious, and, yeah, I admit I sing like a dead fish, but that doesn't matter 'cos - and get this - this is gonna be a 'dance album'! Original or what? 'Ben: you can be the DJ bloke, so just whack some beats over the top. Get the punters' feet moving. And just for something really 'out there', why not put a sample of a sitar on track eight! Bet no one's done that before. 'Sure, I know the melodies are drab but no one needs to know: we'll just mask them with some half-arsed electronic bits. This is where you come in, Paul, apparently you're a 'studio engineer', or something. So mate, just think 'David Gray' - everyone loves him, don't they? Or, more to the point, no one hates him. And he's been voted 'Artist Most Likely To Be Played In A Trendy Restaurant' for two years running - that's the kind of exposure we're after. Anyway, Paul, just polish it up till it shines like Christmas. Think 'bland', think 'lowest common denominator'. We can't fail. 'Alright, then, now to the most important part of the album: marketing. I've written a song called Days Go By for this car commercial which will have some babe driving around London looking like she's beside herself with excitement just 'cos she's listening to us. This is where we can make the big money, boys - endorsements. Moby sold every bloody song off Play to potato-chip and insurance companies, and no one's called him a sell-out, have they? Oh, they have? Well, I bet Mr Moby don't mind - he's filthy rich! Lucky bugger . . . 'Just one thing: what to call ourselves. What's that Ben? Dirty Vegas? Brilliant! Almost . . . ironic!'