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Stella Lee

INVESTMENT BANKER Monica is taking today off to mourn the victims of the World Trade Centre terrorist attacks - and give thanks for her own miraculous escape.

Monica is in her late 20s. She asked to be identified only by her first name. At the time of the attack, she was a typical New Yorker, although she has since returned to Hong Kong. She had lived in the Big Apple for 13 years, and had a promising but stressful job and a nightlife crammed with parties and dancing.

September 11 left her with both physical and emotional scars.

No one can tell from looking at Monica that she suffered a broken spine, a fractured pelvis and sternum, a broken cheekbone, and cracked ribs - injuries which still occasionally give her pain. Mentally she remains tormented by any news relating to the attacks.

She decided to stay at home today so she could shut herself away from such news and mourn those who died.

'Other than my birthday, I never thought that there would be a date I'd remember for the rest of my life,' Monica said.

Sipping coffee in a restaurant in Central, Monica recalled how she lived through the events that shocked the world and almost ended her life.

She was hurrying to her office when her world fell apart, as terrorists smashed the second passenger jet into the nearby South Tower.

Monica tried to flee with the panic-stricken crowd, but was, she later found out, knocked unconscious by a falling window frame.

Her rescuers, New York emergency services workers Dave and Roy, visited her in hospital two weeks after the attacks.

'They said they rescued me first because they knew I was dying. They said I was lying silently beside the window frame while the many other injured victims were screaming and wailing. Those two men were my angels,' Monica said.

While being rushed to hospital by ambulance, Monica saw images of her mother and sister flashing in her mind - a sign, she said, that suggested how close she was to death.

'I knew I was dying. But I told myself that I could not die.'

It took a 13-hour operation to rejoin her severed spine using two titanium rods. Her wounds were closed with 61 medical staples, not stitches. Afterwards, Monica said that she wanted to give up.

'When I woke up from the anaesthetic, I found myself all alone in a ward with my mouth full of tubes. I couldn't move or even shout out despite the pain. I felt so helpless. I told myself that maybe I should die.

'When I later saw my mother and sister again, I couldn't stop crying.'

The sight of Monica's body 'swollen like an eggplant' pained her 51-year-old mother, who rushed to New York as soon as air services to the US from Hong Kong resumed.

Monica was in a hospital bed for two months. During a lengthy rehabilitation period, she had to wear a neck brace and a body frame and use a wheelchair.

The physical pain and trauma swung Monica's emotions from extreme anger to the depths of despair.

'I saw people who were actually not there. I lost my temper easily. I had to be fed and bathed with the help of others. I was very, very depressed,' she said.

The sight of a man limping across the road was enough to prompt a flood of tears and leave her pondering the difficulties of her life.

She was also moved to tears by the American flags draped over the streets of New York, and by the sight of firemen, who reminded her of her rescuers, Dave and Roy.

In the months after her operation, Monica's gratitude for life was tempered by guilt at her survival. She hesitated before going to restaurants or buying clothes. When she learned that survivor guilt was typical in such cases she felt huge relief.

The painful journey has allowed her to appreciate more the fragility of life.

'A brain cancer patient with all her hair shaved stayed in a bed next to me. I never saw her cry. She watched television and told jokes every day. We keep in touch through e-mail, in which she tells me that she still prays for me,' Monica said.

Her mother's selfless love, plus support from other family members and friends gave her the strength to rebuild her life.

Her anger towards Osama bin Laden, whom she once blamed for her pain and tortured memories, has dissipated.

'I feel sorry for him for having so much hatred in his heart.'

Monica now spends more time with her family at home than partying with friends.

She said she has adopted a more positive outlook on life. Problems with work, relationships and money no longer irk her as they did.

'I realise how you could just suddenly die. Staying healthy and finding peace of mind is important to me now. Living through the experience has left me with no regrets. I've learned how lucky I am to have people who love me.'

CHEN JIAOXIAN IS alive and well in New York, but she says that her spirit died along with her son in the terrorist attack on the World Trade Centre. Now she is trying to get her life back together, against the obstacles of poverty and depression.

'All my dreams are broken,' she says, sobbing, in a telephone interview.

Life has become much harder since September 11. The former Guangzhou resident chokes back tears as she recounts how her son, Zeng Zhe, disappeared in the chaos of the collapse of the World Trade Centre while helping the injured.

Zeng, aged 29, was on his way to work when the first plane struck the New York tower. A qualified emergency medical technician, Zeng was last seen in a Fox TV news broadcast from the site, rescuing victims. His friends recorded the image and sent it to Ms Chen, who cherished it as part of a visual shrine to Zeng's memory.

Positive identification of Zeng's remains was made only on May 18. The funeral was held in Manhattan on September 7, and was attended by many of his friends and relatives as well as representatives of the state and city government.

In recognition of his bravery, New York State authorities granted permission to drape Zeng's coffin in a US flag prior to his cremation. The funeral put to rest doubts about what had become of Zeng, who - with so many others - went missing after the collapse of the towers.

'Only when he was certified dead by the police could some outsiders believe that he had died trying to save others,' said Ms Chen.

The family of four emigrated from Guangzhou to New York in 1988. Like many new immigrants, Ms Chen placed her hopes in her children, the 15-year-old Zeng and his 18-year-old brother.

They lived on a modest income and could only afford to send one of the brothers, Zeng, to university. His brother helped to support the family by working in a Chinese restaurant.

Zeng won a scholarship to the University of Rochester in New York, graduating with a degree in electrical engineering, followed in 1997 by a master's in business administration. He then went on to work as a project manager for American Depositary Receipts, the division at the Bank of New York handling tradeable securities of non-US companies.

When the terrorists struck, Zeng was at his office, only two blocks away from the towers, and rushed to join rescue efforts.

'At around 9:25 am, I received a call from him. He said he was safe, but he had to rescue the injured,' Ms Chen recalls. 'It didn't surprise anybody who knew him that he would help in the rescue, given his personality.'

Ms Chen was inundated with phone calls from her son's friends asking about his safety that morning. About an hour later, she received a call from Zeng's girlfriend, saying the World Trade Centre had collapsed.

'Intuitively, I knew that he could not have escaped,' she says. Nobody could confirm his death at the time - although his friends searched hospitals looking for him.

Looking back, Ms Chen says softly: 'Although a year has passed since the tragedy, the wound in my heart can never be healed.'

Before the tragedy, Ms Chen lived with her elder son's family and Zeng. Now, Zeng has gone, the other son's limited income is only enough to support his own family of four, and she has to rely on aid from relief groups.

'Life is hard, but so long as I can meet my basic needs, it is fine. I don't buy any new clothes, and meals only cost a few cents.'

Ms Chen is learning English to better integrate into the community, but admits it is hard given her age.

Although Zeng is dead, she maintains that her view of life remains unchanged.

'In May 1995, my husband died unexpectedly of a heart attack. We were just preparing to attend Zeng's graduation ceremony. Since then, I have realised that life is full of the unexpected.'

Even so, she cannot keep back the tears when talking about him.

'We placed all our hopes on him, thinking that he could become part of the mainstream in US society. But now, all our hopes are dashed,' she says, sobbing. 'It was a great pity to lose him,' she says simply.

Over the last year, Ms Chen has used her meagre savings to publish two thousand copies of a booklet about Zeng that she has distributed to friends, relatives and anyone else who asks for it.

'I think the best way to remember him is to let people know about his selfless actions,' Ms Chen says.

'As new immigrants and as a minority in the US, Chinese frequently face discrimination and attract negative news coverage. I hope Zeng's sacrifice will help people understand that new immigrants can also contribute to US society.'

HONG KONG-BORN engineer Louie Kam-ming, 62, is philosophical about life, having narrowly escaped death in the World Trade Centre attacks.

He says as long as humans exist, so will conflict.

'I never used to think this way before, he says. But after the tragedy, I can't believe that there will ever be such a thing as world peace.'

Mr Louie, elder brother of Hong Kong University of Science and Technology's economics professor Lui Ting-ming, emigrated to the United States in 1968.

Working for Raytheon Corp, one of the largest US defence contractors, he was in its office on the 91st floor of the south tower when the north tower was struck by the first hijacked plane.

In an interview with the South China Morning Post  shortly after the tragedy, Mr Louie recounted how he began running down the stairs after the north tower was hit, and kept on running even when he heard a message on the building's loudspeaker system saying that it was safe to return to offices.

When he reached the 65th floor, he heard, and felt, the second plane crash into the tower a few floors above him. Outside the building, he kept on running - towards the Chinatown district, more than a kilometre away. It was a decision that saved his life.

Today, Mr Louie still works for the same people, although the company has been sold to Washington Group International.

But things have changed.

'The incident casts a shadow on my mind. I always have a sorrowful feeling when working at the office,' he says. 'We worked together as partners for many years, but now we notice those who are gone. Things are not as smooth as before.'

While some of his colleagues have refused to work in New York altogether, Mr Louie's worries are about tall buildings.

'My anxiety increases with the height of the building,' he says. However, he insists that he will be at work today, despite protests from his wife, daughter and son.

'They don't want me to work today for fear of another terrorist attack, but I have made up my mind,' says Mr Louie. 'I feel safe, because I don't believe anything will happen.' However, he knows that many of his colleagues will not be turning up because of safety concerns. In memory of the deceased, Mr Louie will join a memorial service at his office, where relatives and friends of the deceased will get together and recall the past.

His escape has inspired him to try to enjoy life more and to treasure time with his family. 'I'd like to travel around the world,' he says. 'We should not be overly concerned with money matters.'

Mr Louie plans to return to the SAR when he retires. 'It's my homeland and it gives me a feeling of warmth,' he says. 'Perhaps it's the September 11 incident that has given me this feeling.'



The 9/11 tales of three Chinese