Something for the weekend . . . show this to 1,000 people, and 999 will say it's a packet of condoms. The 0.1 per cent who really know what it is will be those, like Hopewell's Mimi Webster, who have recently dined at a restaurant in the Jockey Club'snew clubhouse. This is the front page of the little notebooks given away at this rather upmarket dai pai dong for eaters to jot down ideas they get during lunch. Married men: don't let it fall out of your pocket or you may have to do some fast talking. THERE are two subjects guaranteed to sell magazines: sex and executive perks. The Far Eastern Economic Review, being the kind of magazine it is, runs articles on the second of these topics. Today's issue has got a huge survey that comes with the horrifying news, for some, that Asian expatriates now get better perks than Western expatriates - although their pay is still lower. The survey looked at eight types of perk: company-paid housing, paid taxes, school fees, cars, stock options, club fees, travel allowances, and insurance such as medical cover. No mention of the only perk we receive, however: free access to the office medical kit in case of minor cuts. Asian expatriates are most likely to receive all eight, Western expats to get seven, and Asians working in their home country to get three. In an appalling attempt to encourage dissatisfaction, it publishes a country-by-country analysis so you can see if you are being short-changed. The typical Hong Kong manager is more likely than others to receive school fees, housing allowance and insurance. Don't be startled if someone today makes the offer: ''You show me yours, I'll show you mine.'' No FEER SOME people are now refusing, on principle, to read any publication that is freely available in Singapore. The rumour is that a hardened group of campaigners for a free press have jointly taken out 10 subscriptions to The Economist magazine just to have the pleasure of cancelling it. The publication mentioned above is one of the ones which remains unpopular in Singapore. But can the Singapore authorities cope with a publication that starts to change its name? After all, to anyone sitting in Hong Kong the Far East is Los Angeles. The name dates from the days when London was the centre of the world and Britannia ruled the waves. A gradual name change is one of the topics that Far Eastern Economic Review managers are considering. One option is to call it The Review but this has overtones of the Crazy Paris show at the Macau's Lisboa Hotel. Readers might be expecting the other kind of interesting article, rather than the one about perks. Time piece Of course not every magazine has to change its title when it changes character. Time magazine has kept the same name even though it is no longer the official magazine of the US Watchmakers' Association. Sudan arrivals THE Ugbowo Bombers football team from Nigeria are upholding the grand tradition of sporting teams making mass defections, an art that had been feared to be extinct. We reported last week that 14 had gone missing after playing in the Gotha Cup in western Sweden. It turns out that a second team also flew from Nigeria, all members of which have also disappeared. Since then the Swedish police have been mystified by a series of 23 asylum claims from young men claiming to be from Sudan, a country which in the past has had asylum requests granted by the Swedes. Strangely, these ''Sudanese refugees'' were all football fanatics. Sincerely theirs THE directors of department store group Sincere paid themselves the perk to end all perks last financial year - a $66.6 million bonus that took their payout for the year to $115 million, 2.5 times the group's annual profit. A reporter rang to find out why they had been so generous with themselves. Both the well-known figures who run the company were overseas, the reporter was told - even though the company's annual general meeting was held just 24 hours before. Hope they get a nice tan. Squire-sang AN unknown buyer has bought a 36,000-acre property near Newmarket in England for between GBP6 million and GBP10 million. It includes a complete village called South Pickenham with about 100 inhabitants. Although we don't know who the buyers are, we're fairly convinced they come from Hong Kong. If your boss starts acting strangely this morning, demanding that you tug your forelock and wanting to be called ''Squire'' or ''M'lady'', please give Lai See a ring. Small world OWENS Corning, the fibreglass people, are joining the localisation rush. Their advertisement in Tuesday's Asian Wall Street Journal announcing the opening of an Asia-Pacific headquarters in Hong Kong is accompanied by a huge photograph taken from a satellite. Scott Rosen of Marlin Partners looked closely at the coastline. The photograph is of Africa. Light relief HELLO to the old folks at Tatton Court in Stockport, England. One 75-year old resident gets her nephew who lives in Hong Kong to send a digest of the sauciest items in this column every few months. However, despite your interest in rude bits it is simply impossible to mention the very serious problem that has hit the Swank Shop's gigantic illuminated sign in Tsim Sha Tsui. The Lai See fax machine and answering machine unite in asking the Swank management to get it fixed before it is switched on again tonight.