Bond
Shine (Universal)
When I was a kid in the early 1980s, most tapes in the bargain bins were of orchestras having a hack at their own arrangements of pop albums by Status Quo or the Beatles. Cringeworthy, out of sync and too uncool for your parents' parents. But at least it was only a bit of fun; something for classical musicians to do on rainy days.
How, then, the alchemical Bond babes appear to have fashioned pots of gold out of such a leaden concept in these enlightened days is beyond me. Unless it is all ironic. It must be, surely?
As a quartet consciously hoping to exude the sex appeal of a bathfull of soapy Kylies, the four will always succeed in subverting critical attention from their music, but in fairness Gay-yee, Tania, Eos and Haylie (you couldn't make them up) at least ensure that you can't miss it.
Shine strides off with a rat-a-tat violin romp, Allegretto, fast enough to give Vanessa-Mae whiplash, then the tempo yo-yos across half a dozen tracks until you feel you are listening to the soundtrack of a Harold Lloyd movie spliced by mad scientists with a Bollywood festival. Periodically, the ghost of Status Quo kicks in with a little wah guitar, while Andean pipes, tabla and sitar skirl self-consciously in the background and drum machines drown out the string section. Things don't really improve with a lash-curlingly slavish rendition of Led Zeppelin's epic Kashmir, or when they blurt out as a 'bonus' track Bond On Bond, an unimaginative wrap of the 007 theme tune.
