According to the Chief Secretary Donald Tsang Yam-kuen's scary population projections, one in four Hong Kong people will be over 65 by 2031. What does this mean for our dying city's culture? Probably this: we'll potter around in pyjamas dangling our mobiles on pieces of string, marvelling at their unique tweets and chirps. Come the weekends, bifocal-shaded and plastic hipped masses will gather at HITEC for mass tai chi sessions. Afterwards we will fight over the rubbish on the floor, stack it on trolleys and wheel it home. Shopping, already a blood sport, will go gladiatorial. Those day pyjamas will come with built-in elbow spikes and safety visors. In politics, veteran pro-democracy activist, Leung 'Long Hair' Kwok-hung, now known as No Hair, will lead a demonstration against government plans to force domestic helpers to pay their employers for the privilege of working for them. In the news, Next magazine, now renamed Then magazine, will feature cover boy Nicholas Tse Ting-fung in court again. This time on charges of reckless driving following a high-shuffle Zimmerframe pursuit of Faye Wong, with whom he had split up with for the 178th time. The Twins will still be 19 years old. Among upper no-crusts, socialites wriggle into their Teresa Cheung Siu-wai sequinned incontinence hipsters to celebrate the wedding of the year - when David Tang Wing-cheung and Lucy Wastnage declare their unreserved love for each other and exchange wills.