Lawyers and humour. The two just don't mix. Law firm Dewey Ballantine has just discovered this. The occasion was the annual staff dinner at New York's swanky Plaza Hotel. Staff members decided (presumably after drinking their body weight) it was time for a song. And the ode seemed to be directed at the firm's Hong Kong office, which is about to be shut down. The Dirge of Long Duck Dong, they crooned, according to the New York Post. Apparently this struck a chord with lawyers who remembered a 1980s television show that featured a stereotypical Chinese exchange student. We'd never heard of it. The lyrics were as follows: 'We're sending you, Hong Kong, down the loo. 'You showed no gain, now you're chow mein. You were the firm's folly and we so solly.' Managing partner of the Hong Kong office, John Otoshi, was at the dinner, according to the Post. And all but two people from the office are being made redundant. Offended? Mr Otoshi did not return our call. But we suspect, yes. It hasn't gone down very well with Asian-American professional groups, either. The National Association of Asian American Professionals used the phrase 'extreme ignorance' to describe the event. In all, the attempt at satire turned into a mini-travesty. The danger of one Ballantine too many. BAD RECEPTION PCCW can consider itself well and truly in the dog house. The company prrrrrrromised they would pay shareholders a dividend in 2004. Last week, they departed from that plan. PCCW wants to get US$1 billion in debt paid by 2005 first. 'Broken promise,' said CLSA. 'Deferred gratification,' Merrill Lynch wrote. Both put a sell recommendation on the stock. Ouch. Not going down too well then? THREE VIEWS OF '3' Girls, games and gambling. Hutchison's third-generation mobile phones hit the streets of Britain this week, and the public was impressed. Oh no they weren't. Well, kind of. We refer to three test drives of the '3' service. Three newspapers tried it out. The handsets were identical, and they were tested in the same city during the same week, using the same network. Very mixed results. The Asian Wall Street Journal writer was not impressed. Live video images were jerky and even short clips took ages to download. The handset has a short battery life and the network is temperamental. Coverage was patchy, and the video was not in synch with speech. So a thumbs down. The Guardian, on the other hand, dubbed it a 'minor miracle in its own right'. The video phone worked first time, access to the Web was easy and the clips of Premiership football goals went down a treat. In the middle was the Financial Times. The time to download clips was annoying, but the live video turned heads. Especially in the pub. And there lies the moral of the story. TURNER BURNER The man who founded CNN, Ted Turner, seems to be perpetually on the 'down' cycle of a rollercoaster. If it wasn't bad enough that his shares have plummeted in value, he's now been turned down by his own creation. Mr Turner apparently offered to go to help cover the Iraq war for the network. They didn't want him. He made the confession while speaking at a breakfast sponsored by Syracuse University's Newhouse School, according to news reports. To the amusement of the audience, he said: 'I'm 64 and pretty well wiped out [financially] anyway. I might as well go down in flames.'