Don't go blind for a date

The Write@ttitude mail box has a constant stream of e-mails from both boys and girls asking how they can get someone interested in them. So for anyone who has written in, and anyone who has pondered this question, this column is for you. Don't get too excited though, because we don't have a magic potion. And there is no magic spell or formula that you can use which will make you irresistible to someone else.

The foundation of all good relationships is friendship. Girlfriends, boyfriends, husbands, wives, and lovers must all be friends first. Physical attraction alone will not sustain a good relationship.

Opposites may attract, but similarities in important issues - like having the same values - and keeping an open mind so you can explore different interests are what make relationships last.

If you want to date someone and are worried about asking them out, take a step back. Stop thinking of them as a possible boyfriend of girlfriend and think of them simply as a friend. Once you take the pressure off yourself - and them - you will be able to think more clearly and act more naturally. Focus on the things you have in common - like a shared interest in a sport or film - and this could provide the perfect, casual, excuse for a first date.

If you want to have a boyfriend or girlfriend and don't have one, stop thinking about it. Don't make finding a boyfriend or a girlfriend become the sole focus of your energy. It will happen when it happens. In the meantime, pursue other interests and spend time with your friends. Desperation is the biggest turn-off.

And if you are asked out on a date, treat him or her kindly. Even if they make a fool of themselves, don't immediately write them off. First dates can be high-pressure situations and may lead people to do and say all sorts of embarrassing things in an effort to impress. Show a little compassion, but remember, you never owe anyone a goodnight kiss. Always go at your own pace.