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Tom Hilditch

Working to get over its embarrassing ad campaign 'Hong Kong Will Take Your Breath Away', the Tourism Board (or TB, by its unfortunate acronym) has been getting some unlikely help.

Local journalist and satellite TV addict, Dan Kubiske, tells us the following alternative taglines were offered by American talkshow host Jay Leno:

? Solving the overpopulation problem, one case at a time.

? Under every mask, a smile.

? Hong Kong, home of the bottomless cup of phlegm.

? Come for the TLC; stay for the ICU.

? Everybody is kung flu fighting.

Spanish steps

Singer Jade Kwan Sum-yin kicked off her role as the Spanish Trade Commission's 'Shoe Star' last week by collecting 10 pairs of Spanish shoes from Lane Crawford.

Kwan (above) was romantically linked with Canto-pop star Edwin Siu Ching-nam after their 2002 duet, but she told the press: 'Now, I think I would like a Spanish boyfriend.'

Hu eyes bloodthirsty role

We hear Kelly Hu - who stars as Lady Deathstrike in X-2, the sequel to X-Men - is in the frame to star in another cartoon-based movie.

The Hawaiian-born actress (above) has been talking with Gale Anne Hurd (who produced The Hulk) about starring in Jade, a film based on a long-running Chaos Comics cartoon about a 4,000-year-old vampire who lives in China and possesses extraordinary martial arts skills.

undercover ballet

Although baroque ballet had its roots in 16th-century France, it is sure to be a big hit when the Company of Fan brings it to Hong Kong's City Hall on May 24. Not least as the topical title of its show is The Masked Ballet.

Opportunity coughs

It's an ill sneeze that blows no good and companies across the city are looking to squeeze a little business out of Sars.

Our favourite press release so far is from Joseph Tan, of Talianna Beauty Salon and Barber Shop, Hutchison House, Harcourt Road, Central, who makes this hitherto unrecognised connection between health and hairdressing.

'Besides curbing the possible spread of the coronavirus, a good hairdo brings immeasurable self-esteem, contentment and pride - boosting our immune system. Also, now that we are all wearing those ubiquitous face masks, a good hairdo is all that separates us from the rest in the looks stakes.'

MORE HAIKUS

Uh oh, sneeze coming

Even if I turn away

Eyes quarantine me

(Timothy Kaiser)

No need for lipstick

I can save on mouthwash too

Let's hear it for masks

(Susan Sprengeler)

Underneath this mask

Lies a healthy little girl

Hoping to survive

(Fiona Fong)

The boy winks at her

Modern romance is so sweet

They kiss ? mask to mask

(Liz Belfer)

Oh no! The super

Market queue is way too long!

Ah-Ah-Choo! Ha ha ?

(Tanya Hart)

Please send your haikus to sar@scmp.com. The writer of the best one will win a night in the Island Shangri-La's harbour view suite plus breakfast for two worth an inspirational $8,888. Haikus should be three lines with five syllables in the first line, seven in the second and five in the last.



Help at hand for sloganeers