John inspired me to live, says ill Carmel

John Size did a lot of important things this season. But even the honour of becoming champion trainer for the second time pales alongside what he did for wife Carmel. The vivacious daughter of former top Sydney and Hong Kong trainer Neville Begg credits Size with being the inspiration that kept her alive when her life swung in the balance several times in the intensive care unit of a Sydney hospital during March and April.

One rival criticised Size for selfishly leaving his wife to fend for herself in a battle with a mystery blood infection and bone marrow disorder in Sydney while he stayed in Hong Kong, training winner after winner and banking cheque after cheque. Size shrugs off the criticism because it's a negative he doesn't need to process. But he knows the true story is one that renders tungsten to tears.

'I was desperate to go to Sydney to be with Carmel, and I can tell you there were a couple of times we were very worried about her,' Size revealed. 'But with Hong Kong having come down with Sars, the hospital told me I had to stay away . . . do not come . . . they said they would not let me in the front door.'

So Size had to be Carmel's miracle from afar, with all the doubts, heartache and insecurity that went with it. They had to endure the loneliness of a policed separation that had the real potential to be forever.

'John was the inspiration that kept me alive when I really thought I was going to die,' Carmel said tearfully from Sydney. 'What he was doing made me want to keep going, to survive, to get well again, and to be back there in Hong Kong with him. And I will be next season,' she promised.

Carmel's normal weight was 52kg but at the depths of her illness, she plummeted to 42kg. But with the mysterious illness seeming to be behind her, she's now starting to pick up.