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SCMP Reporter

Beckham, Beckham, Beckham, Beckham, Beckham.

Lai See thought you might need a bit of prompting on this one. He's a footballer, apparently.

And he has just been sold to Spain's Real Madrid, leaving behind the cosmopolitan city of Manchester.

Hutchison Whampoa won't be cracking open the champagne.

It's 3G service in Britain includes English Premier League video clips as one of its highlights. Group managing director Canning Fok Kin-ning has on a number of occasions mused that subscribers will enjoy watching David Beckham score his goals.

And then there is Hutchison's broadband channel, Yes TV.

One of the highlights here is the joy of watching Manchester United's own television channel online.

Asia fans may fast be dubbing it 'No TV'.

Bare phones

Multimedia continues to go mobile. This roughly translates as 'e-mail soft porn to your mates'.

SmarTone and Penthouse are at it, as we have mentioned before. But they are so discerning about it.

The two are collaborating to offer 'adult content' to SmarTone customers.

Well, some of them.

As the companies put it: they want to 'meet the needs of male customers who have high social status and consumption power.'

Translation: any moron with a credit card.

shooting from the Ip

You have to give Secretary for Security Regina Ip Lau Suk-yee credit for one thing: she does not mince her words.

It is quite refreshing, really.

Not one for the softly, softly approach, Ms Ip has been known to shoot down criticisms of Article 23 with the tenacity of a rottweiler.

Hitler-gate was one example.

'Don't believe democracy will be a panacea,' she snapped at a City University forum last year. 'Adolf Hitler was returned by universal suffrage and he killed seven million Jews.'

Then, of course, there was taxi-gate.

Ms Ip told legislators last year that 'taxi drivers, restaurant waiters and McDonald's staff' would not be interested in the details of the anti-subversion proposals.

Both seemed to have backfired on Ms Ip when she had to say 'sorrrrrrr-rrrrryyyyyyyy' for the inappropriate remarks.

The latest snap-ism from Ms Ip came last week.

The United States had voiced some strong opposition to Article 23 and Ms Ip noted the concerns. But it could not end there: 'We suspect White House officials [you know] may not fully comprehend the fine details of our proposals ...'

This latest White House barb Lai See shall add to the list under the title of Duh-gate.

Court in the act

The legal courts in Britain have all the fun.

A deputy district judge from Scarborough found himself on the other side of the bench last week after an incident involving beer and a kebab.

According to a report from legal website Rollonfriday.com,  49-year-old David Messenger went into a kebab shop in May after a night out and became involved in an altercation with a former client and a number of policemen.

He ended up spending a night behind bars.

During the hearing last week, Mr Messenger denied the charges. He drew upon his 24 years of practice to point out that 'you have to be in a public place to be drunk and disorderly, and I was in a private area'.

He also highlighted the fact that he was far from drunk when the incident took place.

Mr Messenger had consumed but four or five pints.

Sober as a judge, then.

Picture perfect

Lai See has managed to find the key to eternal youth in Hong Kong.

And it comes from the most bizarre source: The Immigration Department.

You may have noticed a story in the City section of this newspaper on Friday reporting on the status of the new 'smart' identity cards.

Actually, the focus seemed to be on the best beauty products to use if you do not wish to have a wishy-washy photograph.

Immigration Officer Grace Hui Yat-ling was on hand to show off a version of the new card, complete with her photograph and immigration details.

Ms Hui looks to be in her 20s, judging by the photograph.

Her date of birth as listed on the card is, however, 1913.

Amazing what they can do with a bit of lipstick these days.

Got a question for Lai See? laisee@scmp.com Tel: 2565 2632 Fax: 2565 1624



Beckham move catches Hutch offside