I WASN'T GOING to mock the rear of the new Renault Megane II hatchback until Jebsen Motors ran that derriere ad on telly. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, I would have said. But thanks to this catchy, rumpy-pumpy mix of primetime beat and colour, my three-year-old now shakes her hips at the slightest hint, greeting neighbours with shrill, cheeky cries of: 'Shake your ass.'
Tea at the Clipper Lounge is out for the time being. 'Don't do that,' I tell her in my best Joyce Grenfell. But my little daughter just giggles and wiggles, 'Shake your ass,' without realising perhaps that her unladylike display is a shameless tribute to one of the ugliest cars in Hong Kong.
That's just a dad's view, however. You might be into bustle and wonder why I get off on sleeker lines and bumpers, but you can see what I mean with the dumpy Megane II. Surely I'm not alone in asking what a cricket box is doing on the back of a dollop of French sludge, or wonder how Renault, the creators of the misunderstood Avantime and Vel Satis, can turn another design mess into a family asset - and my daughter into a shameless flirt.
The car's really not bad, as long as it wears black and doesn't don a bikini on the beach. The Megane II's front is angular and interesting, but, oh, how its saggy flanks offset the slanted, almost Asian grace of its headlights. Superimpose the beauty of Terri Holladay on the Michelin man and you get the Megane II.
The interior is the ugly bug's heart of gold, however; not as enticing as the Laguna II nor as spatial as an ageing Mercedes-Benz A-Class, but its seats are firm for the wide-hipped and simple on the eye. The ergonomics to the adjustable steering wheel are the marque's best and there are thoughtful touches such as the aircraft-throttle handbrake that makes parking easier. Then there are the one-touch window switches and the triumphant arm-rest cubby holes that make tunnel fares so easy. The heated front seats and anti-submarining cushions are inspired, as are the muted Authentique and Expression fabric and soft-plastic designs that relax passengers and endorse Renault's superiority in interior design.
The Megane II is tight in the back seats, however, so be ready to put gangly kneed teenagers in the front. The Isafix safety points restrain babies but, mums, if your five-year-old likes to hide things, you can expect to search up to a dozen thoughtful shelves, holes and flaps for flat keys and bottle tops. The audio controls let you flick between radio stations at the wheel, but two separate sunroofs seem fussy next to the breezy top of the classic Mazda 121 'Bubble'. Vanity mirrors don't need covers, either, unless you spit when you speak, and the keyless start card that fitted the Laguna II seems to overdress its fat little sister.