Defeated, I grimace at my stark ineptitude, coming to terms with the fact that I am a failure. I know that I have no choice but to wait. However, for now, I pass the time playing mindless games of Solitaire. Drifting into a fitful sleep plagued with nightmares of unfinished work, my mind torments me with images of that dreaded moment. The pain resurfaces, and the awful memory of an unknown force tearing me from away the rest of the world makes me shiver. I remember that day very clearly. The sun had risen early, giving no warning of the horrible event to follow. The weather was beautiful. Suddenly, without any warning, my internet connection died. I could not believe my eyes: my e-mail programme refused to go online. Frantically clicking the 'connect' button on ICQ failed to restore any form of communication with my friends. AOL Instant Messenger was unable to detect any internet connection, and there were similar problems with MSN Messenger. I tried everything: rebooting my computer, adjusting the network settings and flipping through the troubleshooting guides. I even inspected the various wires and cables to ensure that they were plugged in correctly. I was, essentially, severed from all forms of online communication. Data gathering for projects was no longer possible. Without the possibility of exchange, of what use were my wonderfully elaborate powerpoint presentations, and the faithful transcriptions of my ramblings? It's frightening, really, how dependant I have become on being able to access the online community. Without internet access I am effectively rendered useless. I cannot easily contact my friends studying abroad. I cannot reply to the constant barrage of e-mails from my mother. I cannot download music from Apple's iTunes or read SCMP online. In short, my life ceases to exist. I can barely remember what life was like before the age of instant messaging and looking up online encyclopaedias for late-night essays. Constructing my identity upon the shaky foundations of an internet connection, I have sacrificed my independence for instant gratification. It's a scary thought: technology that was supposed to make daily tasks easier has, instead, dominated my life. I'm not sure if I own my computer; I think it owns me. Ms Yeung is a student at the University of Pennsylvania
