As the old saying goes, you'll be all right in life - as long as you've got yer elf. All well and good, but being an elf can be a thankless task. It's all right for hotshots like Legolas in The Lord Of The Rings - even if he's probably not quite everyone's idea of how the wee fellas should look. Surely he ought to be a bit more snap, crackle and pop? Where's the pointy hat? The tights? Or the little bells on his shoes?
Spare a thought for Santa's little helpers. Being Santa is one thing - but who'd want to be one of his elves? No credit for the job; no Mrs Claus there to give you some Christmas lovin'. Just a load of boxes to fill. Talk about low elf esteem. And now the big day has passed us once more, what's an elf to do for the next 364 days?
'Santa's taking us to Maui,' says 'Elfless', one of seven sprightly types who have elected to spend the season away from Lapland to spread the word of Santa around the decidedly chimney-less Tung Chung. 'And we'll be gone for two weeks.'
So what do you call a female elf, then? A shelf?
'Am I still supposed be in character?' asks a slightly bewildered but nevertheless sporting Berma Skill, a 'shelf' who is here with Canadian outfit John Owen Productions performing in the Amazing Elf Show at The Square, Citygate, Tung Chung (tel: 2109 2933) over the Christmas holidays.
'Er . . . basically we just get his coffee all year round,' says the 33-year-old, in a valiant effort to play along, despite the tedious questions. It is Christmas, after all.
'You need to have a high- pitched voice, be a bit on the small side, be good with the reindeer, and be generally joyful. If you can handle that, the job's yours.'