PETER Keggin's undergraduate daughter wanted to give him a really special present. So she handed him the fountain of eternal youth. This is now available in tablet form from the Hangzhou Second Traditional Chinese Pharmaceutical Works. Before taking the product, called ChingChunBao Anti-Ageing Tablets, Peter noticed some papers in the box. These described an experiment which ''proved'' that the tablets kept you young. Peter read it with horror. It said: ''We took 1,500 healthy small white mice, 17 to 22 grams in weight, divided them into five groups, filled their stomachs with ChingChunBao solutions at different concentrations and made swimming tests. The contrasting group had their stomachs filled with saline solution . . . ''When the mice entered the water, we began to record and calculate the death time.'' In other words they flung 1,500 mice into a swimming pool with slippery sides and watched them die. There was a 23 per cent difference between those who had been fed the wonder drug and those who were full of salt water. So a ChingChunBao mouse might dieafter four minutes and 55 seconds instead of four minutes flat. Peter, who works for Balfour Beatty Hong Kong, said: ''Next time my daughter pumps my stomach full of an unusual liquid and leads me in the direction of a large expanse of cold water, I'll know it is in the interests of aged parents and has nothing to dowith her university allowance.'' Paper-thin RECEIVED a document from the British Chamber of Commerce about a ''Quality Documentation Seminar''. This informs us about a fascinating talk on September 29 at the Island Shangri-La about the importance of getting your paperwork right. The seminar organiser's name, Thornycroft, is misspelt as Thorncroft. The letter was dated ''25/9/93'' instead of August 25. Hong Kong is spelt ''Hong Kog.'' Well, it just goes to show that there is a real need for improving the quality of documentation. Bitter pill THE world of Suits was agog yesterday with the news of the descent of hundreds of police officers on the Hong Kong offices of Malaysian tycoon Lee Ming Tee, boss of Allied Group. The police codename for the secret swoop was ''Operation Dapsone''. Most people didn't have the slightest idea what this meant. In fact, it is a pharmaceutical used to treat leprosy. Priceless people DO you get asked to write letters of reference? Are some of your employees real dorks? Paul Baran of Medcalf and Co showed us a book he has called Intentionally Ambiguous Recommendations, ideal for bosses who want to send an honest message to other bosses. Here are the six best ones: 1. I am pleased to say that he is a former colleague of mine. 2. I most enthusiastically recommend this man with no qualifications whatsoever. 3. She is resigning a position she held in our firm for many years; I wish there were more employees like her. 4. We were teetering on the threshold of bankruptcy last year, and his efforts pulled us through. 5. For the services he performed for our firm, we find ourselves deeply indebted. 6. You will be very lucky to get this person to work for you. Dry Pacific THERE was much sadness in Central yesterday about the sudden death of the Pacific Club Hong Kong, on the upper floors of World Wide House. But it is good to see that Joe Oxley, the cheery Irishman who is general manager of Omni Clubs Management Co, managed to swing a good deal for members. Although the law says members' deposits are non-refundable, the company has agreed to disregard this, and will offer cash pay-backs, or allow members to receive free associate membership of the Pacific Club Kowloon. Joe was busy most of yesterday, as he told us last night. He had been booked into an executive training seminar on ''Leadership and Management Qualities''. Hole service CLOTHING firm Silhouette Co of Shamshuipo has sent out letters to large numbers of garment companies in Hong Kong guaranteeing ''punctuated delivery''. Seems to us that's the usual problem with Hong Kong garments. Torn off a stripe IT'S relatively easy to get Britain's Union flag upside down, since the top and bottom are indistinguishable to most people. But it takes special talent to get the United States' flag upside down. This feat was achieved by the staff of Bank of America Tower yesterday, we heard from April Kaminsky of Mid-Levels, who burst out laughing when she drove past it yesterday afternoon. Have Republicans infiltrated the building management? With feeling LAVI Khemaney of A.R. Trading Co was intrigued by a letter he got from S.C. Lee of Manor Electronics Ltd. This contained a list of products, and ended with the following paragraph: ''If you have any problem about quality grade and price please give me your fax. Please check Asian Sources Electronics to look the picture. If I am not in office please touch Miss Keeda.'' Does this mean ''get in touch with Miss Keeda''? Or is this a genuinely offbeat offer?
