Sex goes belly up

A TRICKY THING sex. You spend your formative years taking elaborate precautions to prevent pregnancy and suffering agonies at the tiniest hint of a baby. Then when you and your partner are ready to embrace parenthood with open arms and can finally enjoy sex without a safety net, you suffer agonies all over again if a baby fails to materialise immediately.

Even when pregnancy is achieved, the sex question still looms large: 'To do it or not to do it?' In late pregnancy, the more thoughtful: 'Is it physically possible to do it?' and once the little bundle of joy is delivered safely into your arms: 'We are never doing 'it' again.'

Trying to get pregnant can be a frustrating time. Some women conceive merely by thinking about it, while others take infinitely longer. Even if a couple has been trying for a baby for only a couple of months, it is possible to become obsessed with having sex at exactly the right time. Reason flies out the window as you tearfully explain to your partner that he cannot possibly watch football on television ... you are hatching an egg.

'People have to be realistic about this,' says Dr Lucy Lord. 'The chances of a healthy couple conceiving each month are 15 to 25 per cent, depending on age. They really shouldn't panic if it doesn't happen instantly.'

Clutching a pregnancy test stick that registers positive is a truly magical moment. But even as you both perform a victory dance around the bathroom, female hormones are disrupting your sex life. Morning sickness in early pregnancy is deeply unsexy and renders most women incapable of doing anything, least of all making love. Fatigue is also insidious, and the best-laid romantic plans often fall apart as the expectant mother falls asleep by candlelight.

There is also the fear of harming the baby or causing miscarriage. 'A normal pregnancy is not harmed by having sex,' says Lord, 'but if there is bleeding or discomfort, of course a woman should consult her doctor.'